6G Celicas Forums

thanks

This post has been edited by Cexlica: Mar 4, 2008 - 1:35 AM

Every good argument has three key components.. Logos- the logical reasoning for your argument, this should give your topic and reasoning validity.. Ethos- should provide an ethical basis for your argument, this shows that your argument is not one-sided and gives a general feeling of good will to counterpoint and further allows you to have alternate routes of logic if necessary.. and finally Pathos- The emotional aspect of your argument this is what will make your argument personal both to the person listening (or reading) and should make it personal to yourself with out compromising objectivity ]

personally i would scrap that whole letter... im not trying to burn you or nothing its just my opinion.. when you talk about "wanting to make models all your life", understand that this is pathos driven. if you start off your letter with this, while it makes your argument more personal, it risks contaminating the ethos of your reasoning nobody wants to listen to a bleeding heart, although it is possible to work this in tone down the emotional volume and place it more towards the middle or end of the letter.. there are words used like leaded? these absolutely have to go use a thesaurus if need be my friend.. Try and understand the perspective of your dean, if your citing girls ect. as a reason for failure A dean will not be impressed by this, it subtly brushes at bragging..another thing that threw a flag was stating that you set a plan that "fits you well" this seems to suggest a lack of implementation within yourself to change rather a circumstantial change is necessary for your success..
Again man, i really don't want you to think that i'm bein rude these are just a few things that i saw
Finally just focus on what is important.. you want to be logical clear and meticulous in your efforts focus more on what your plan(internally and externally) to change the outcome of your next semester than such specific facts of why you failed the last two good luck man and go to class thats more than half the battle

Note: these are just my opinions peppered with facts on connotation, of the 6+billion personalities on the earth your original ideas could be perfectly sufficient it just depends on which way the panties wad..
at alot of colleges the petition letter seems to be just a formality anyway their real agenda amounts to the almighty $

^thanks for the reply, my school is pretty much what your last sentenced stated

This post has been edited by Cexlica: Mar 4, 2008 - 1:35 AM

I dunno maybe i am just out of touch with what the deans perspective is.. i deal with a bunch of upper divisional profs that would eat me alive for that but just do whatever as long as your doing something that should be worth a little ...

hmmmmmmmm.....................

With the same caveat, i do not intend to be in anyway rude or negative to you. I applaud your desire to get back into college and would like to help you in any way that i can, so please take my comments in the spirit they are intended.

i sort of agree with CF, the entire letter was difficult to read. I often times had to re-read the paragraph to understand your point. I would first get rid of the entire first paragraph and start with the idea of the second.

I understand you are trying to appeal to their emotions, but instead i get the sense in the second and third paragraph that you are only making excuses. Instead of listing why you were too busy for school, in one SHORT sentence own up to your mistakes and appeal to the idea of reformation and the second chance.

Finally, remove all the absolute adjectives from your last paragraph. In this context where you are appealing to their emotions, using words like 'guarantee' and '100%' can appear harsh and un-genuine. I know you are genuine in re-entering college and the words in your letter, but this letter is all about impressions. Instead, use a tone that implies that you know your own faults and will be doing your best to overcome them. Try:

"With fewer distractions in my life, I can now concentrate further on my education. I want to be reinstated at Saint College and finish my degree. Making models has been my dream and this is the way for me to realize that. If I come back I will make education a priority, as i now understand it is the road to success."

^thank you orvillescelica, i will begin to re-work my paragraphs, stay tune..

thanks

This post has been edited by Cexlica: Mar 4, 2008 - 1:35 AM

yea this sounds much better,wat kinda grades did u get,i mean did u jsut like compeltyu fail or barely?Cuase if u barely failed u shoud mention that,it would enhance it i think.

^Thanks for your advice!

This post has been edited by Cexlica: Mar 4, 2008 - 1:36 AM

*Current job was even worse. Do you still have this job? If you don't, it's not your current job. Stick with a tense, seems as though Current and was don't fit well.

Don't start sentences with And.

Does the Dean have a PhD? If so address him as Dr.

Why was Brown college put into an edit?

Was the class pertinent to your major or was it an elective?

Honestly, I dislike a great deal of the letter. Everything that has to do with your previous schedule sounds like your making excuses and whining about being a college student. College is hard, so when a Dean sees that your just making excuses and not really thinking about what went wrong and how to change it, he's not going to pay you any mind.

I think you need to make it clear that your priorities were out of order, and now college is the first on your list. This could very well be true, but the letter doesn't convince me.

Think about the Dean's point of view. He's wondering why he should let you come back.

This post has been edited by Supersprynt: Jul 18, 2007 - 8:49 AM

With some help from the guys above you should have a pretty good letter of appeal to be re-instated into college. I for one like what you have written (after the changes) and believe it sounds sincere and truthful. God luck on getting back to school.

^thank you.



This post has been edited by Cexlica: Mar 4, 2008 - 1:36 AM

Go to the school website and look through faculty. You wouldn't want to insult him before he reads your letter.

^after doing some research

This post has been edited by Cexlica: Mar 4, 2008 - 1:36 AM

Print it for him on pink paper :-P jk about the pink paper.

I would say definitely send it via snailmail. Email makes it look informal

Remember to leave 4 lines between sincerely and your name so you can hand sign your name

This post has been edited by BlackCelicaGT94: Jul 18, 2007 - 2:23 PM

Don't use his first name.

Use nice paper. Every little extra effort makes an impression

Thanks for the help so far guys and girls

This post has been edited by Cexlica: Mar 4, 2008 - 1:37 AM

a 9x11 so it stays flat is a nice way to go. I would suggest a white one over the tan personally.

Also if ur handwriting isnt that great then i would print a label to put on it.

I'd choose a regular #10 envelope and tri-fold the letter. Theres no need to keep it flat and it will fit into someones box easier.

Also, I'd choose a cream color for both if available and paper stock of 40lb.

Letterhead would look great but unless you work at a place that has this available its a no go.

Definitely type it, I don't think this needs mentioning but just in case.