Dane Cook, Post your fav quotes Options

[ILuvMyCelica95]

Ok so Dane Cook is the best comic ever, if you don't know who he is you must live under a rock... anyway I'm all excited because im getting tickets this week to see him live in NYC in September...so post your fav quote...

This is one of my favs:

"I'll tell you what dream used to scare me as a kid, used to actually totally give me night-mares, remeber those Kool-Aid comercials? Where that, no that big talking bowl of punch, he would come crashing through your ****ing wall in the living room! You wouldn't even know know he would just BOOUF!!! *oh yeah!, oh yeah!, oh yeah!!!* "Right, and the little kids were all excited, "YES, YES!!!" "and then they would drink out of him after debris fell in his open dumb head, he would pour himself, *OH YEAH! OH YEAH!* "...him and his crazy tights...I don't like that, I don't like when juice wears tights, it's a horrible combination, a bowl of juice wearing tights, **** drinking out of him, If that was me I'd be like *oh no no no no no, you fix that wall before dad gets home from work, hes gonna beat me with a belt, he's not gonna believe a talking bowl of fruit punch came in here, you stupid idiot, yeah comin' through the wall is real ****in' cool, useing the front door is cool! Don't touch me you drink! Don't touch me you giant beverage, you are sweating or condincating I will kick you in the tights and you will go down your very top-heavy, you glass bitch, you glass bastard! OH YEAH! Oh No!*"

[DaMnItLeWiS]

His kool-aid skit was the BEST! I could listen to that over and over again

"Oh YeA!? OhYeA!?....Oh NO!"

He has tooo many funny things and i cant WAIT for his CD next month!!!

Oh and i love "Nanna is a cheating wh***! where'd you get the pink 50's!!


And how could i foget....this is my alltime favorite...
walk into your local KFC, look and point to somthing that doesnt even exist on the menu.....Uhmm ya, ill have the uhhh, Colonel Chicken Fun Pack please. Just thee uh fun pack.

hahahaha

This post has been edited by DaMnItLeWiS: Jun 21, 2005 - 10:50 AM

[Supersprynt]

Someone sh!t on the coats!

New DOUBLE DISC CD out July 28.

[Consynx]

i wanna be a snake....

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Hes hot but never heard him before...im not really down with comedians...doesnt usually amuse me..

except Martin Lawerence RUN TEL DAT!! AWESOME

[ILuvMyCelica95]

haha yes!!! Erik gave me the harmful if swallowed CD and i freaking cant wait till the new one!!!!!


<<We had Monopoly, everybody had it. No one like it, even if you thinked you liked the game you didn't. And it's simple why, ok. Cause this is anyone here 2 and a half hours into a game of Monopoly, ready?... *Booush* "**** THIS GAME! It's 4 in the morning grandma, YOU WIN! I'm sittin on Baltic with crap! I'm paying luxry tax out the ass! And I hate when your the banker, where did you get the pink 50's you cheating whore! Don;t ****ing touch me grandpa, NANA is a cheating whore! I should cut you head off with this little doggy!" ..."We were so poor growing up, we had to use that iron. We had to actually use that little iron. It's not funny. It takes a long time to iron a shirt with that little iron...>>

[ILuvMyCelica95]

Hes hot but never heard him before...im not really down with comedians...doesnt usually amuse me..

except Martin Lawerence RUN TEL DAT!! AWESOME
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WHAT?!!

[Supersprynt]

Well he punched me repeatedly in the neck, and then he dumped on my chest, if thats the kinda guy you wanna hire.

Yes, you have the job...welcome, welcome to kinkos.

How can you not be "down with comedians." Do you not like to laugh? I dont get that its the only thing that gets me through the day.

This post has been edited by Supersprynt: Jun 21, 2005 - 10:59 AM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

So im reading these quotes and they arent falling out of my chair hillarious..but theyre alright

[Supersprynt]

When we say them they arent funny, everyone who knows Dane can hear him saying it when they read these.

Dane Cook has a great cult following. I started listening to him probably 18 months ago and it seems to me like he's just started to get real popular.

Tss Ooh, Tss ah, hot.

This post has been edited by Supersprynt: Jun 21, 2005 - 11:02 AM

[ILuvMyCelica95]

I don't think I should get on this ****ing flight. I think an ANGEL just told me not to get on the flight! Thank you angel wearing jeans!



Hey, how do you spell shoot-you-in-the-****ing-face? Come on, hurry up, one word? What is it?



nat- got to www.danecook.com

on his homepage you can listen to him

This post has been edited by ILuvMyCelica95: Jun 21, 2005 - 11:04 AM

[Supersprynt]

For those that dont know who he is or listened to his stuff, go to danecook.com and he has his cd playing on the website. The way he talks is just, the funniest thing.

[Consynx]

if i had $ i'd own his dvds
until then, i'll just listen to friends'

he is awesome...his CD supposedly is better than the dvd though (haven't heard it)

[ILuvMyCelica95]

the best is the hand motions esp when he does the ummm hello skit

[ILuvMyCelica95]

if i had $ i'd own his dvds
until then, i'll just listen to friends'

he is awesome...his CD supposedly is better than the dvd though (haven't heard it)
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I think I have it on my computer at home (the CD) i can send it to you over AIM later if you want it

[TheStreetzKing]

so im watching the news the other day and this women mary was at a race and got hit in the face with a tire.. i cant even say this without laughing all seriousness.. she got hit in the face with a tire.. and what was marys defence.. OoOOoooOOoOOOOoo

lol dane is the man

so ur telling me you punched the shark and it just went.. ALLLLL RIGHTTT and let u go.. tell me u dont swim faster then when a shark lets u go, ur still swimming halfway up the beach

This post has been edited by TheStreetzKing: Jun 21, 2005 - 11:27 AM

[Supersprynt]

I saw him at Marist, it was awesome.

I grabbed him by the big shark throat and I said, F*ck you shark. Well it was more like ppflufflf yuflf sharfalk cuz the water was in my mouth.

I was just driving along, obeying the rules of the road, and all of a sudden, outta no-where this guy just starts coming into my lane JUST COMING IIIN!.

[TheStreetzKing]

haha i was there

[ILuvMyCelica95]

I fuc*ing go there and i missed it!

[TheStreetzKing]

it sold out soo quick haha

[SlowCelica94]

So I grabbed the shark by the neck and punch him in the face. And I was like **** you shark! Cept I was underwater, so it was like "fugg u swarrga"

Yes I have this shark rocket launcher,and it really pisses them off.


I don't have a pen. do you have a pen? i dont have a pen? Can you remember all my ****? Is your name monkey ****ing a coconut?

[fastgt]

f*ck bees...ill punch bees in the face... now flying horses.. not thats something to worry bout


ha!

[turboinduction]

"standing in line isn't so bad after the punch in the face"

-Ti

[TheStreetzKing]

IS THAT THE BATHROOM.. NOO YOUR WALKING INTO THE WOOFER

[SimmaDownNow]

"Your move, Holy man!"

"Hey, where do you keep the chics?"

"9 seconds? I gotta be to work in 3 seconds!!!"

"Havin' some drinks, or you bootin' black tar heroine?"

"Somebody get some sauce, she wants it her way!"

"I'm your son from the future! I'm from the future, I'm your son!"

"You do NOT let go of me!!"

Dane Cook is THE man!!!!

[TheStreetzKing]

lol yea he is

why is it everytime i go to the bathroom the door is crook-ed and falling off the latch.. like who walks in the I CANT **** IN A PERFECT SQUARE... like jean claud van dam jus walks in a kicks the door.. and then theres the for a good time call mary..

ahaah

[Supersprynt]

And someone always writes "Mike Was Here", and then someone else writes "Mike is a faggot" like Mike is coming back to check on it. "What was is this?! I was here but not as a faggot!"

[TheStreetzKing]

ahhahahahahahahaha that was mad funny..


soo u gonna be walking to ur car alone tonight?? ill be watching ya

[Supersprynt]

When your waiting in line at the bank, tap the person in front of you and as you do that start putting on a pair of gloves and say "now would be a good time to leave."

[TheStreetzKing]

you kno that parking garage thats like 40 stories high.. what do they pave that with.. thats not blacktop.. when u drive on it its like a chase scene from chips EEEERRRRRRRRRRCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH .. i mean come on EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRCCCCCCCCHHHH IM BACKING UPPP... EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRCCCCCCCCCHHHH WHERES THE DOOR.. ok ok just so your all on the same level as me imma say that one again.. you kno that parking garage thats like 40 stories high.. what do they pave that with..

[TheStreetzKing]

ahh sorry for dooublee it messed up

This post has been edited by TheStreetzKing: Jun 21, 2005 - 10:01 PM

[95gtschick]

lol i only heard of him a couple of months ago, my boyfriend is obsessed about dave chappelle, and then heard of dane cook.. now he's hooked on both. they're both pretty good. but the first time he heard the kool aid skit he wouldn't stop repeating lines from it... very annoying! but yet somehow funny...

[Sev408]

hey can i get another hole in my pecker please.
hey come on in here lets take a look at that thing, he look at it thing.
wear gloves bullsh*t, we aint making a sandwhich. come on that looks like a little turtle, lets feed it some lettice.

Ok, sh*t what the f*ck man.


Pablo Francisco > Dane Cook (not funny anymore)

[pr_caralho]

suck my back

[Supersprynt]

Seriously Dane Cook is just as funny as before...stuff older but oh well its still funny, and he has ALOT of new material being released next month.

I do like Pablo but not more than Dane.

[ILuvMyCelica95]

hey can i get another hole in my pecker please.
hey come on in here lets take a look at that thing, he look at it thing.
wear gloves bullsh*t, we aint making a sandwhich. come on that looks like a little turtle, lets feed it some lettice. 

Ok, sh*t what the f*ck man.


Pablo Francisco > Dane Cook (not funny anymore)
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no way dude

[Ale_lock]

Mitch Hedburg > Dane Cook.

[Supersprynt]

OK not the fackers come in and start to do this.

I'm giving you all the Su-Fi right now you just cant see it.

[ILuvMyCelica95]

[DaMnItLeWiS]

Pablo Francisco > Dane Cook (not funny anymore)
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Pablo USED to be funny, be hes been doing the same stuff for years....Dane Cook is WAY funnier than him.

Mitch Hedburg > Dane Cook.
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.....

Dane didnt need to go on a reality show to get people to like him

[Ale_lock]

Eh, Dane Cook is funny till you realize it's just retarded non-sense being spewed out.

[turboinduction]

I just wanted to say that Frank Caliendo is now one of the funniest men alive. That guy is INSANE on impersonations. And yes Dane will have new stuff out next month.

"now you better fix that hole in the wall before my dad sees this and beats me with a belt.... hes not gonna believe a talking bowl of fruit punch came through here" or something along those lines

-Ti

[ILuvMyCelica95]

he he i pre-ordered Retaliation

[Supersprynt]

Eh, Dane Cook is funny till you realize it's just retarded non-sense being spewed out.
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I dont get it? He's taking things from real life and having fun with them and just making silly stuff up and the way he talks, its hilarious. Who cares if its non-sense its simply the funniest stuff I've ever heard.

I dont like when theres sand missles in my chocolately drink!

[ILuvMyCelica95]

Hopped Up on the Q

[Supersprynt]

I was riding my big wheel, all strung out. Kickball, yeah I'll play kick ball...tomorrow. I'm not feeling the kickball today.

[TheStreetzKing]

this one i dont really rememberr

ya guys kno how u think so much stuff while having sex? like it doesnt matter what u say but ud look back and say WTF was i thinking.. one time i was having sex and im like oooo my dick feels like corn.. but its cool, its cool she totally played it off.. gimme the butter baby gimme the butter..

it went something like that haha

This post has been edited by TheStreetzKing: Jun 24, 2005 - 4:02 PM

[ILuvMyCelica95]

TOMORROW!!!!

This post has been edited by ILuvMyCelica95: Jul 25, 2005 - 11:59 AM

[Consynx]

shush you.
or i will punch you IN THE FACE

[SlowCelica94]

Oh the new Dane Cook CD? Maybe tommarow guys, I'm still pretty hopped up on the Q

[AMCMoe]

GET BACK DOWN IN THE FIREY WATER!!

[Supersprynt]

Cover up the hole with some fire.

He just released his new website design and has new material playing. its cool.

This post has been edited by Supersprynt: Jul 25, 2005 - 9:55 PM

[ILuvMyCelica95]

when you see someone walking down the street wearing a Superman shirt you just wanna shoot them in the chest... when they start to bleed go i guess not. Dont wear the shirt, where a shirt that says i bleed if you shoot me in the chest plate

[turboinduction]

yea, I'm a bamf.

-Ti

[SlowCelica94]

I'm flipping cashews in my mouth from my cock