For all the ppl out there, who live away from their parents Options

[NaderG]

SO ! i am pretty much sick with living at home , i have had it with being bossed around , yelled at , called names and consistently abused and of course no matter what i do to make things better , it never does and i end up being hurt a bit more !
now that i am done with my introduction , i will now tell you what are my current choices for this situation :
1- Stay living here , miserable of course , constantly distracted from school and work by the over sized drama load that is really ridiculous , which will eventually lead me to choice number 3

2- Here where my question is : I am thinking of moving out of here, and get my own life .... i don't have any friends, and i don't know really where to go but i was wondering about the cost of living , specially here in so-cal ... this choice is really not easy .... anyways , i can kind of see my self with this choice , basically working 10X harder , going to school ( college) , i will also be outcasted by the community of people i live in ( Egyptian people ) and still pretty miserable ... eventually choice 3 will start looking good

3- of course the big one , lol .... well , it is really simple , it has something to do with some pills and lots of water , or maybe car exhaust in a unventilated area ...and then everything turns out better.. i think thats enough hints

ya i know i sound like i am whining like a baby , but its really hard( and way too long) to explain what i been going through for the last ...... **** i don't know how long , it feels like forever and it seems like it never going to end ......

i dont know why i am posting this on here , but i dont know anywhere else where i can let this off my chest , specially that no one really knows who i am on here ....

This post has been edited by NaderG: Oct 24, 2007 - 10:24 PM

[Vissi]

hmm, well i say #2 and start hanging out with new people, in a new society. Id tell ya the cost of living, but im still living with my parents, and a senior in highschool.

[lubu]

So i guess things didnt work out for you...I would pick choice 2 if I were you, make some new friends. It will be hard but at least ur free and happy...

[NaderG]

So i guess things didnt work out for you...I would pick choice 2 if I were you, make some new friends. It will be hard but at least ur free and happy...

it never worked out for me , but lately ( after almost attempting no 3) i decided to do some changes and work on improving my life over all , it didn't work and it all flipped and backfired right in my face ..... i doubt the free and happy part though , its much more complicated to be expressed this simple ...... i have no idea why i posted this here lol

[m0dd3d1]

#2! (don't even think about #3, or I'll fly all the way to the WC and slap you stupid)

Moving out is always a huge step! It's very stressful, but that first night in your own place: there's nothing like it. But like Vissi said, definitely get out there and make new friends. Dude you're in college! You shouldn't have any issues doing that! Cost of living is definitely a pain, especially on the EC! Maryland is horrible, but don't get me started with being overseas! Once you start meeting people you may wind up finding people that need a roommate or something, that's how I started out. Or even look for ads in the paper or w/e. Rent.com or roommates.com I think works, I tried it when I was looking for a place about a year or so ago. If all else fails, move to the EC!

And if all else fails, you've got #1 to fall back on, you've got a safety net. And that's 100X better than being on the street.

This post has been edited by m0dd3d1: Oct 24, 2007 - 10:50 PM

[xs94st]

damn nader man..sorry stuff aint workin out wit ya.

i lived at Cal Poly Pomona for a year for school, but that didnt work out n i went to live back at home..n for me, it was a cheap alternative with only sacrificing the fact that my dad would be home during the day. we don't get along well - different religious views, feelings about my mom passing away, me being an underage drinker, him being a McArsehole when he comes home drunk as a bum telln us shiite, n other things..he even tried to knock my arse out one time-n the before he hit me he started to grab some hedge shears...yea..he ended up hittin me with a folding baseball chair (the kind that you pull out the four legs n sit in the middle) n that was the point when i said i was movin out. i was 18 still, gonna be 19, n i went n moved in with my gf in her apartment.

yea, pretty damn young to be moving in together, but she had some issues as well n she wanted me to be with her. actually, she wasnt even my gf at the time we were really close friends n eventually become a couple. but neways, i moved out, got a job, workd n paid my share n had a good time. it has been rough some times, not being able to buy what you want n having to save up for things, but its all part of growin up. i still go to school, trying to get back into Pomona for manufacturing engineering, so im hoping my life turns around again..not like its not what i want it to be, but where i wanna restart at.

if you have to, move out. but, should get some friends n eventually become closer (doesnt take much time for guys cuz we cool like that) n just move in together n share that rent. make sure you have a steady job AND can go to school..you need that edumacation homie.

thats jus my couple cents..

good luck m8

[NaderG]

well , here is a small over view of the issue ..... dad has anger issues , liver disease and is lives in the 18th century.... he has no drinking problem , he used to beat me when i was a kid but stopped and started yelling at me instead ( saying things that hurt ), and since we are from the Egyptian culture , i am not supposed to do **** about it , no moving out until married ( ya right ), since my dad is really classic , closed minded and pretty stupid he doesn't want me hanging out with any " American" friends ( WTF ? ), no Gf allowed ( implied rule) but he clearly and specifically told me to stay away from girl contact , which he makes sure by continuously searching my phone contact list , car and my room ... Me ? i do everything he says an more , i do have a bit of an attitude towards him but i keep it in check , i been in college since 16 , doing great ( 3.4 GPA) averaging about 14 Units a semester , school year round ( winter and summer ) , been working since forever , pay my own **** , as i mentioned i do everything he says and more ...... i get a bit of financial aid every month or two that i am almost always forced to give away to my sister and him due to a fight ( just happened a day ago) , He continuously flips out on me and tells me that i am not the son he wants and that i am failure and that i don't deserve living with him and the rest of the family , and when i try to talk to my mom and sisters about me , they blame ME for all that saying that i should watch what i do with him since he is sick ( hepatitis C ).... hanging out with new people..... i find that extremely difficult , i am really different than anybody around me , i dont know how to explain it but i am just really different ... i have difficulty finding friends .... and no i am not a total nerd or whatever , i am just different , being from different background and all ....... So ya , moving in with my GF is not an option since i dont have one ( and i don't think i can even approach a girl anyways) , Roomates ... i dont know ..... ....... uh ....

[forkee]

move to anaheim and work at disneyland, lol. youll meet ****loads of friends. youll have the chance to interact with at least 100 different fellow employees each day. im not being sarcastic either. not to mention PLENTY of people that live on their own or with roomates around the area. seems like those people always need roomates. plus they ALWAYS have parties. im not talking kosher either, more like ggw. i dont know what you do now, you probably make more cuz disneyland isnt a high paying job (starting is around $10-15/hour unless they are servers then more of course) but it is the best way to meet people, make some money, most of all have fun. not to mention full access to the parks and discounts up the ying yang. oh and you get paid to carpool. best 5 years of my life was spent there. might go back when i get my BSN. they hire everybody for everything.....

move out of your house already. you shouldnt have to stress in your home.

[SlickRick]

Hey Nader just come hangout with me and X (xs94st) we are all from the same area. I am in riverside all the time i am right off Mission. speaking of hanging out u gonna go to the chino hills meet this weekend? X u still trying to come?

[xs94st]

fsho man, trynta head out there. gon be late but i will be there..

but mosdef, we should all hang out sometime. get the other guys from the area like marcogts n maskedman (marco n derrick) n we can have another mini meet someplace

thats a few of us who can meet later afterwards so we should do it. just tell your dad you gotta work on a project.

[SlickRick]

fsho man, trynta head out there. gon be late but i will be there..

but mosdef, we should all hang out sometime. get the other guys from the area like marcogts n maskedman (marco n derrick) n we can have another mini meet someplace

thats a few of us who can meet later afterwards so we should do it. just tell your dad you gotta work on a project.

yeah sounds good to me maybe rab a bit to eat and just chill out. hey nader if u want u should meet up with me and X and go to the meet. if u go late X i might just wait and go when u go. oh my cell is back on X. lol

[yarik83]

in my last few years in new jersey (before i moved) i had spent some time working side by side with egyptians. I , as an outsider have no right to tell you to break cultural bonds and ties. I do however have an advice for you and I apologize ahead if it will hit a nerve or two.

Based on around 20 egyptians I do know and for quite some time now. Their lifestyle and more importantly Life improvement stays at trailer trash level living in what is often a smelly with mold house, about 900 pieces of useless thrown out furniture, low ceilings et cetera et cetera. From what I can see their lifestyle is no better.

I would like you to consider a few things:

#1 if you continue living according to your cultural traditions in a country that celebrates freedom of having the right to do anything with ones life you will only end up like your father yelling sahala mahala yowala sahala. You are in a country that gives you opportunity to say.. F my heritage and viva la brighter future.
#2 if you do not leave your parents that will only accentuate the above while making you a more miserable person.
#3 you have to really mean it and want it if you want to leave. It would be pointless otherwise. If you intend to leave and then spend next 20 years in poverty because you do not have the willpower to bend over backwards and accomplish what this country could give you then there is no point in leaving and changing one doo doo life style for another.

#4 As an immigrant myself and as a person who have ran away from parents at age 15 while barely speaking language.. All I got to say is that percistance and perseverence pays off. I have finished highschool. college and now have a wonderful job. In past 10 years I can contribute my success to failure of others. While working on every crappy job imaginable it only motivated me to go on and achieve my goals.

I know I may sound all pro american now and anti cultural. Trust me mate when you are given an opportunity to live out your american dream, whatever it may be... live it out because not every country provides you with an open future. Surely it does not grab your hand and guide you on your road to success but it never holds you back.

On a final note. Move out, preferably out of state. Stay in contact with people that you care about. Get a job, finish school, find ways to fund your college ie grants and scholarships and prove to yourself that in a few short years you can outlive your family expectations on your own.

[dustin15brown]

#3 should never be an option. It's the easy way out, and it's pathetic.... You would digrace your entire family and let them bear the burden the rest of their lives.
#2 isn't the most intelligent either. I mean they sound like they're still paying for things, true? It's an un-needed step. Try to resolve the issues with your parents. Maybe suggest if they wouldn't like to lose their son they should maybe consider counseling. Worst case scenario, tell them they have driven you to the brink of suicide and things need to change because you cannot handle it anymore

[Vissi]

I agree #2 should be deleted.

But i have a good #4 Have ur parents pay for ur new apartment that way you cant lose, u get outa the house, and ur not broke

This post has been edited by Vissi: Oct 25, 2007 - 3:10 PM

[NaderG]

i appreciate everybody's comments , it gives me something to read in this tough time , however , some of you guys don't get it !

-my family will never be ok with me moving out , so if i decide to , it will be running away ! ..... basically they will bear the burden for life to and knowing my culture , it will be easier for them if i die instead

-resolving stuff is also not going to work , my family don't like to talk , i tried doing that a while back with my mom and dad , i got yelled at and made fun off ... ( doesn't help)

-Yarik83 , no nerves touched man , you have an almost spot on description of the majority of us Egypt ppl living here , as much as your suggestion sounds good , the "free" life have many parts to it in order to be "good" and there are just some things that i dont like about it , so it wouldn't work ..... I am screwed lmao

[95CelicaST]

Well if you're stuck at home... but you don't want to be there, then do what I do; Get a full time job and to go school full time as well.

I wake up before everyone else, leave for work, work all day, go to school, come home after everyone is asleep, and wake up to do it all over again. I haven't really seen my parents for almost 3 weeks.

[uberschall]

normally i avoid contributing to threads like this, but this topic kind of hit close to home for me. no pun intended.

i'm not sure about the cultural aspect of this...so i'm not going to comment on that.

i've been living on my own (in michigan) for some time now, and here's what i can tell you:

first, i'm 23. i don't know how old you are, but i lived through almost a decade of my parents and i NOT getting along. only when i had two steady jobs and a for-sure roommate lined up did i decide i was ready to leave.

you have to be 100% ready to take care of everything on your own. rent, food, and utility costs are the least of it. if you can't handle doing laundry, cleaning, and making all your own meals, you should reconsider...because on top of paying all the bills yourself, you have to make all the other wheels in the household turn too.

i enjoy my "freedom" as much as anybody, but i'll be the first to tell you that free rent and other perks of living at home are sorely missed.

getting out of the house afforded me (and presumably it will you) the opportunity to do things MY way, 100% of the time. that's awesome.

it's not cheap. unless you've got a guaranteed source of solid income and/or a reliable, responsible roommate in a similar situation, you'll get in over your head, and fast. this is my second stint out of the house...after a few months of living with dudes i thought were good friends, i moved back home because they turned out to be messy, inconsiderate, and downright miserable housmates.

you only get one set of parents. whether you get along or not, that relationship will not be diminished. i can assure you that if you move out, some lines will be crossed and it's up to you to decide whether or not that's something you want to live with for the rest of your life. it seems to me like they're really getting to you recently and there's a chance this could all blow over in a few days/weeks/months...but either way, you have to be committed to where you plan to be.

obviously you have access to a computer, your own car (whether you can customize it or not), a place to sleep, and you're going to school. alot of kids aren't that fortunate.

no one can TELL you what would work best, but i'm sure you'll make the right decision on your own.

[NaderG]

normally i avoid contributing to threads like this, but this topic kind of hit close to home for me. no pun intended.

i'm not sure about the cultural aspect of this...so i'm not going to comment on that.

i've been living on my own (in michigan) for some time now, and here's what i can tell you:

first, i'm 23. i don't know how old you are, but i lived through almost a decade of my parents and i NOT getting along. only when i had two steady jobs and a for-sure roommate lined up did i decide i was ready to leave.

you have to be 100% ready to take care of everything on your own. rent, food, and utility costs are the least of it. if you can't handle doing laundry, cleaning, and making all your own meals, you should reconsider...because on top of paying all the bills yourself, you have to make all the other wheels in the household turn too.

i enjoy my "freedom" as much as anybody, but i'll be the first to tell you that free rent and other perks of living at home are sorely missed.

getting out of the house afforded me (and presumably it will you) the opportunity to do things MY way, 100% of the time. that's awesome.

it's not cheap. unless you've got a guaranteed source of solid income and/or a reliable, responsible roommate in a similar situation, you'll get in over your head, and fast. this is my second stint out of the house...after a few months of living with dudes i thought were good friends, i moved back home because they turned out to be messy, inconsiderate, and downright miserable housmates.

you only get one set of parents. whether you get along or not, that relationship will not be diminished. i can assure you that if you move out, some lines will be crossed and it's up to you to decide whether or not that's something you want to live with for the rest of your life. it seems to me like they're really getting to you recently and there's a chance this could all blow over in a few days/weeks/months...but either way, you have to be committed to where you plan to be.

obviously you have access to a computer, your own car (whether you can customize it or not), a place to sleep, and you're going to school. alot of kids aren't that fortunate.

no one can TELL you what would work best, but i'm sure you'll make the right decision on your own.

Yes , i agree with all you said , i do realize it is far from easy to move out and has alot of sacrifices , more fro me , i do realize that i am lucky to have a house , a computer, a nice car and all that .... but i have reached the point where i am far from OK , i am way too suicidal and i been like this for while except it is getting worse ... maybe i am not grateful enough , maybe this is all my fault cause i am a woss and i cant take it , but i have to do something about being in this condition because this isn't normal

[xs94st]

i think that you should seek some professional help and force your family to realize what the hell is really happening. yea, it sounds weird n all that, but i remember that somebody already suggested this in the thread..

im really serious though nader. please, seek some sort of professional help so that your family can realize what is happening. if they blame it on you, then thats it. move out. dont tell them what you are doing or anything like that. just endure all this for alil while so that you can plan everything..find a place, make sure u can make the rent/utilities/food/gas for yourself then move out.

no disrespect to you or your culture, but you gotta realize that this is your life and you cant let some stupid tradition ruin your life. you are an AMERICAN in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. we all have the right to be happy with our lives. you cannot let this continue man. i dont wanna hear news about a dead kid in riverside. please man, if you need help i'd be willing to go with you. i dont care if i hardly know you. if you need someone, just ask.

dont think about doing the #3 that you posted. please dont.

i know life is tough. you dont have to go through it alone.

[rayneezy23]

try moving in with relatives in another state or something