Would you give up your kid?, on a serious note Options

[Clipsetuner]

I dont know how to begain this but, its just about the hardest thing in my life.

So about 5 months ago Im with this girl, been dating her for about 9 months, and she ends up cheating on me go figure. Well she called me up last week and told me she was pregnat. Yeah I think you could peice the rest together. I am bascily at the worst lowest ever I have so many things to think about, consider, and deicde, and also let her sit back and decide what she wants.

I know the kid could or could not be mine, but its still hitting me really deep. I know I want to be a good guy / mabey father but I dont know If I can do it, I think about if she gave the kid away, yes it would be to a loving family but I would be giving up my baby girl forever. If the kid isnt mine yeah im out of the clear but the other guy is a jackass, and there is no way she could even do this on her own. I still love her, could I ever love her more then a friend ever again no.

I am really torn in this situation, I relize Im only 17 and this is just huge (dont give me that typical teenager **** , condom, and no sex bs, its all lies for the most part) I dont want this child weither it be mine or not to face the world without the love and care she deserves. I am a only child myself and only had my mom around and I know how hard it is to say your dad didnt want you. I guess this is why it strokes such a deep hurt inside me.

I dont really talk to anyone anymore on this site sep mac, and he didnt even know this was going down. There is just so much more I could type but this makes me hurt enough to cry. I guess I really need some sort of support and reinforcemnt of what things I need todo.

DTE

[BlackCelicaGT94]

My feeling is if u think ur mature enough to be having sex then you must be mature enough to handle all responsibilties. The fact this girl wasnt on some sort of Birth Control or interested in the day after pill is kinda scary to me! If shes not willing to take on the responsibilty of a kid herself but is willing to atleast have it (more power to her) but if you honestly think u would be a good father right now then I think you should consider taking the baby. If the kid is put up for adoption you can not really try contact the child till they are 18 or unless they come looking for you! I couldnt sit there for 18 years with regret on my mind. Just put this kid first! If you think the best thing is to just let it go to a good family (as long as it isnt in a foster home u most likely have NOTHING to worry about cuz of what you have kind of checks you have to go thru if youre an adoptive family) but just make sure that you do the best for the child! And if you think not taking it is the best thing then ur not abandoning it. Atleast if the kid does try contact u down the line you can say that you did want it but knew you couldnt give him/her the life they deserved. And if they hate u for that then thats their deal and ull feel like **** but deep down u will know it was the best thign to do




- sorry if this came out in a sh!tty way! im so bad with explaining myself -]

im only adopted on my dads side. My father gave up his parental rights when i was a few months old and only saw me 3 times when i was a baby. Wasnt even there when i was born. He was off with his girl he cheated on my mom with! :-( Didnt even call to see if I was born till 3 weeks after the due date. I hate him for doing what he did to my mom but thats a different situation than ur in. Luckily I know he lives in a sh!tty place and that puts a smile on my face!

[SinisterWhisper]

well i dunn about condoms being lies (seemed to have worked well enough for me) but as for the kid i say check to see if its yours if not let her deal with it.

its harsh but hey she couldn't be faithful (and it isnt your fault if its not your kid) so it shouldnt be your problem.

[Digndoug]

I think the whole fact that she cheated on you is crap. I think let the baby born and get a test, IF Its your kid then Keep it if your parents are willing to help and you can saport it. Dont loose your chance to get a good education and all to try and saport a baby when it can be better taken care of by a loving faimly that might not have the blessing to have a kid.

I would personaly not stick with the mother/girl .. I think Cheating is BS I dont like it nor beleave in it nor will forgive someone for it. anymore atleats..

I say talk to your parents and maybe taslk to a councler that deals with teenage pregnency. oh and pray.

[spunky393]

Thank you Digndoug, i was waiting for someone to pray. GO TALK TO YOUR CHURCH.

On another note, my best friends ex pulled something exactly like this on him just to drag him out emotionally and physically and it turned out she wasn't pregnant. Just a hopeful remark....

[creis]

On one side I wana say if the relationship got to a far enough point where sex got involved and she when aside and cheated, give her the finger and walk off, there is absolutly no exscuse for that nor full forgivness (sp) however personaly, on the other side there is no way I could let her even for what she did be stuck alone in that position wither its yours or not, at that age you have to really step up and help/take over the situation, however if its yours (a test would solve that but i think there costly) then you have a whole new aspect to think about. what natalie said is right, you have to think about it, if the chiled is keeped you have to deside if your/she is able to give it a chance at life, and a resonable place to live and grow up, hopefully with 2 active parents for this baby girls whole life.

I would think of all the options, giving a baby up for adoptions does put a lot to chance, its not a garentee they will get into a good home, (not to discurage you, there are many great fostor care places, and many people who would adopt a baby, the younger the beter I think most cases are) anyway I would alwasy consider obortion because of the situation, it sounds to me like it would be hard to give that baby a great shot at a "normal" chiledhood (not saying its imposible, just hard) and maybe the best thing is to spare the hardship it will induse for the 3 of you (4 if that jackass comes to turms with it)

First step tward taking the resposability for the situation:
- You can pray all you want, but someone is gana have to make the miricle, you have the chance to make it for the girls, both of them, but no one can tell you how but yourself.

Second step:
- Take a LONG drive with her and talk about any and every thing relating to the situation.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

if shes 5 months along (right?) its too late for an abortion! but just keep in mind if you do adoption then you may not ever see this kid and you risk the kid never wanting to see you or only wanting to see you to bitch at u.

you cant wait till the babies born to decide if you want it or not. If she wants to give it up for adoption the kid is taken away the second is born so the mother cant change her mind. You could fight for it but itd be big legal battle. I would think that somehow they could do some DNA test before the baby is born.

[Anub1s]

My friend and his girlfriend had a child together and were forced to put it up for adoption because of the fact that they could not provide a good enough home for it. You need to weigh your options, can you provide a good home for the child or help the mother provide one? Can you assist her in raising the child while being able to secure a future for you and it? It's all a matter of being able to raise it in a good enough placing or not, if you can't do any of the above you should look at putting it up for adoption so someone else can.

Good luck in your decision making, it's not going to be easy but make sure you put enough thought into it.

[Clipsetuner]

Thanks guys this really means alot to me. Its really hard stuff to think about even when your not even in the position. I am going forward with taking all finiancl responablity, even if it isnt mine just because I have the money and no one else does, and even if this kid isnt mine or doesnt end up with me I want her to know that someone cared about her enough at one point.

I dont know if I got it if I could provide "the normal life" but I would try my hardest. I am not really one to back down on things, and I know if I have a baby there goes all my cars, and there goes street racing but it would be worth it for her. I would want her most of the time just because I know my ex couldent handle her, I dont know if I can either but Ill do anything it takes.

I am letting her (ex) make all the decisions and she can ask for my help with chosing them but I will not give her a positive answer on anything just from both sides of veiw.

I am just really stress'd about this not know what todo, having no decisions and knowing I might be a father for the rest of my life is just a hard thing to deal with.

DTE

o yeah there was a condom.

[coustoe]

hmmm, the problem is there are so many factors, if its yours then you probably want to make sure your ex is eating right, not smoking drinking, or do anything silly to damage the baby, but the thing is the law gives you no power to take responsibility over the pregnancy or on questions like abortion, But then the Law screws you over when the child is born.

Seems to me Guys are basically screwed in the US when it comes to conceiving and caring for kids.

[Clipsetuner]

O my godd I feel so much better, well sorta but alot better then I was.

She isnt pregenat, she had a misscariage and was still missing her periods. Found this out today, I wouldent have minded having a child but it just releaves so much stress.

Thanks for all your words guys.

DTE

[CheesyLobster]

you are very luck that she miscarried. dont do that again

I turned 18 a few months ago and cant even imagine what you went through. when i was 16 i had some contact with a girl and i wasnt thinking, didnt use protection, and i was freeking out a little even with her not calling me or anything and i realized that i should have never done what i did; it was very irresponcible.

You (and i) are too young to be facing these issues. learn from mistakes.

This post has been edited by CheesyLobster: Mar 21, 2005 - 6:16 AM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

hmmm could have sworn bleeding was a sign of a miscarriage - i think u need to check homegirl cuz sounds like she wants some attention!

[BlackSTX]

Stay away from that girl and never go near her again.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

You know if u have a miscarriage!!

[nik]

i have a one year old and i would NEVER give him up for anything but i just turned 23 so ...... hey i even brought him to the Tri-Cities meet

but on a serious note only you can deside think long and hard

[acenova]

I'm happy for you man, although miscarraiges are hard. If you wanna show her you care be there for her...as a friend and nothing more. You're only 17 man, I hope this opened up your eyes to the consequences of sex. I know you said there was a condom involved, but sex w/ a condom, w/ birth control, anything can be a risky deal still. It's not a solution to pregnancy, its simply a way to reduce possibilities. I'm not saying don't go out and have sex, but be selective, make sure that you have a girl that wants to be as careful as you do, because in the heat of the moment it's hard to think straight. Trust me, I know ( have had a couple scares in my day). All in all man, that one time just isn't worth it until you're ready. This isn't the bull**** you'd normally hear, I'm not tryin' to lecture, just know man, you gotta be careful. And by the way man, not to sound like an advertisement, but Trojan is the only condom I will ever trust. Definitely quality over price when it comes to sex.

Usually the best thing to do is use a condom and have the girl on birth control, but that's just if shes willing. I'm happy for you though man, a kid at this age can alter your whole life. Call me up soon, I'm in Canada until Wed., but I'm back for break afterwards.
Peace.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

or do what i do! bc and condom and if im not completely sure then 50 bucks for day after pill!

[Clipsetuner]

Yeah I know I am lucky as hell, but I had some things figured out and I was scared yea, but I am gonna be carefull as hell now, and I am not having sex for at least 8 months (bet with mac). I did spend alot of time with her and I still consider her my friend but nothing more.

Thanks for the support, I like how we have this little online community of people who care, not even the people I know, nat/ace/mac but others that just show overall concern its nice to have some backing.

Ill hit you up Ace when you get back into town.

DTE

[creis]

o yeah there was a condom.

Dubble up, next time you rubber up.

but cool that your in the clear, Congrats I guess.