Ever feel like you don't have what it takes? Options

[acenova]

Ever just feel down, like you're a loser with a wasted life? I'm 20 yrs. old, in college, never got great grades, but always good enough to pass. I've had jobs before, but never have money. I model, but for some reason feel inadequate in comparison. I have a beautiful, wonderful girlfriend that I've never been so happy with, and I don't feel I deserve her. I would do anything for her and for any of my friends, and I've always treated her the best that anyone has ever treated her before. Why is it that I'm scared I'm going to lose her? Why do I feel as though, even though her past boyfriends were asses and ****ed her over, I don't match up? Why is it that I feel that my material things and my lack of organization in life make me inadequate as a human and not fit to date this girl? I'm usually a fairly confident guy, I don't have it all, but I've got it pretty good. Yet realizing this, telling myself this, I am in shambles, and slowly becoming more and more insecure. Anyone have this??? Anyone get over this????

[orvillescelica]

from what you describe, it seems you have a case of depression steming from low self esteem. But from what you describe, it does not seem you have chronic depression, nor is it a case of chronic low self esteem either. These feeling of low self esteem may come from the fact that you are surrounded by very competitve environments hat often demand and reward the best such as a Univeristy or the modeling field. Both of these places make it a point to distiguish themselves by saying that the people here are 'the best of the best.' By feeling or doing average in these areas, you feel that you dont live up to that montra, that you are in fact not the best of the best. But in reality, the fact that you are there proves that you do belong there among the best. It is true that there will always be someone better, but it is unfair to compare and judge yourself based on others. Where as they are better than you in some areas, you are undoubtably better than them in others.

In your love life, this feeling of low self esteem carries itself over. You feel that in order to deserve something you must work for it, pay for it, or suffer for it. That there must be a cause before the effect. That effect being with your girlfriend, you feel that you have done nothing or are currently doing nothing to have caused this. Coming from the theme of low sefl esteem, you need to redefine your definition of this 'cause.' This is not always an active thing that must be toiled through nor a certian minimum limit that you must meet in order to qualify for what you are seeking, but simply it is being what you are that that creates this 'cause' and fullfils this limit qualification.

Im saying all this because i actually do suffer from chronic low self esteem, though mine rarely dips to any for of depression. Your symptoms from what you describe sound very much like what i often think and go through. My advice is find out why you do what you do. Why do you go to school for what you do, why do you model? You say you are not the best in both, thats fine, but yet you do it nonetheless. If you feel you are not the best, why do you still do it? Not everyone does things to be the best. Once you find your reason why you do what you do, you can focus on that and then become happy in being where you are, achieving what you achieve and doing what you do.

This post has been edited by orvillescelica: Apr 24, 2005 - 5:32 PM

[Anub1s]

Dude compared to me you are lapping it up. It could always be worse. Cheer up, lifes not all that bad, things always happen for a reason and for the better. Whether you look at it that way or not.

[vangSTa_celica]

Don't take things for granted Ace.

[ILuvMyCelica95]

I can totally understand where you are comming from. I have genetic depression, and i guess as a result horrible self esteem.
for example I've been singing since i was 4, and even though people are always telling me im very good I dont think im good enough. People are always telling me to record a demo or do something with my voice, But even if i can sing i dont think im pretty and unfortunatly you have to be to get somewhere.

Anyways, I can totally relate, hopefully your girl is there for you and tried to be understanding, I've dated guys who couldnt handle it.

I don't mean to get out of line but have you talked to a doctor about it? I mean i've been on meds since i was in 8th grade and they really do help alot.

[ghostdog]

I think we all feel you man. its just the way we are raised and what we are surrounded by. this sense of inadequacy comes from media telling us how we have to look, accomplish to be 'successful', happy .. but its all bs man. you have to look within yourself and find out who you really are, and I promise you happiness will just well up from within. sounds cliche doesn't it? but it works, you would be suprised

[Clipsetuner]

Ah Ace man we just talked about this a while ago, about how I was down and you said some words, I guess its my turn. Yeah life is a bitch sometimes and basicly nothing really works out for me, but I look for the best it things and relize what I have. The grass is always greener on the other side, Ive even talked to people who have acheived alot in there life and they still didnt feel they did enough.

Im glad to hear you have a girlfriend and your treating her right, continue todo the same and as long as she does the same sounds great. I know were not the greatest of friends but you've been there when Ive need help, and you were/might still cut me a killer deal on your car.

I know your a good person at heart just remember to tell yourself that. Oh and that model crap, yeah you have to be pretty good looking to be a model, I mean come on look at me.. haha

Hit me up if you need help with anything.

DTE

[acenova]

Thanks all, I'm guessin' you're right. Its just hard to rise above it you know? I mean, yes I do have a genetic clinical depression, but I feel that I can mentally rise above it if I just try. A lot of the time I'm fine, but some things just set it off, and lately its been set off a lot. I don't mean to seem as though I'm taking things for granted, because I realize what I have and my gifts in life and am very lucky. I guess thats why I hate getting this way because I know I have it good, but I still just can't snap myself out of it. But thanks for listening to me guys and gals, it helps a lot.

And LuvMyCelica95, girl you have nothing to be worried about with looks. You are a beautiful girl both outside, and as far as I can tell, inside to. Your personality will take you far in life, not your looks.

[Digndoug]

Dude your young and just insecure. I do the same thing, I dont know what i wanna do, i work and still feel I have no mone,y yet imn single..

Just a phase..

[Exile04]

Ever just feel down, like you're a loser with a wasted life?  I'm 20 yrs. old, in college, never got great grades, but always good enough to pass.  I've had jobs before, but never have money.  I model, but for some reason feel inadequate in comparison.  I have a beautiful, wonderful girlfriend that I've never been so happy with, and I don't feel I deserve her.  I would do anything for her and for any of my friends, and I've always treated her the best that anyone has ever treated her before.  Why is it that I'm scared I'm going to lose her?  Why do I feel as though, even though her past boyfriends were asses and ****ed her over, I don't match up?  Why is it that I feel that my material things and my lack of organization in life make me inadequate as a human and not fit to date this girl?  I'm usually a fairly confident guy, I don't have it all, but I've got it pretty good.  Yet realizing this, telling myself this, I am in shambles, and slowly becoming more and more insecure.  Anyone have this???  Anyone get over this????
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dude thats praticly like my like 19 in college, low paying job, not good grades just enough to pass. its suxs but i have figured it out, if you stick with it you will get thur it and end up having a better life. it seems that some people have grea teen years but as they get older it gets harder and harder, but people that didnt have good teen years (hard years) have good adult years. Atleast thats what im hoping.

Also, think of it this way u have a good looking girl that lets you hang out with friends and such and such, i had a girlfriend(still kinda together not really) how took my friends away, and im really done to one/ two good friends. But its alright things will work out. Plus you always have the celica

[ILuvMyCelica95]

Thanks all, I'm guessin' you're right.  Its just hard to rise above it you know?  I mean, yes I do have a genetic clinical depression, but I feel that I can mentally rise above it if I just try.  A lot of the time I'm fine, but some things just set it off, and lately its been set off a lot.  I don't mean to seem as though I'm taking things for granted, because I realize what I have and my gifts in life and am very lucky.  I guess thats why I hate getting this way because I know I have it good, but I still just can't snap myself out of it.  But thanks for listening to me guys and gals, it helps a lot.

And LuvMyCelica95, girl you have nothing to be worried about with looks.  You are a beautiful girl both outside, and as far as I can tell, inside to.  Your personality will take you far in life, not your looks.
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glad we can help, always like to be there for the celi peeps.

and thanks, but sometimes i just dont feel it I guess we all have our days. Blah

* Tina

[dustin15brown]

Yeah I thnk everyone goes through this stage, more than once. The thing is you know you're in love and you're scared to lose her. Personally I think that is a good pain because I feel that and it lets me know I"m still in love. Life can always get worse but you know we're here for you and if you're religious, then you know God is just awaiting a prayer and some effort.