getting hitched?, Need some ladies advice here Options

[Rayme]

I'm at that point in life wherw me and the GF talks more and more about marriage. I don't have a problem with it I love her. But my main concern is all that is money related wise..specially the "stone".

To put things in perspective, we have 2 relatively new cars and a house, all which are not paied, I make under 30 000$ a year, she makes about 15% more than me annualy.

Cliff note, the girl wants a ring that is about 2000$+, she has that way of saying afford what you can but I'll be sad and disapointed if I get a 400$ ring.

Oh and by the way, I got the reputation of being cheap. That's the way I can afford a WRX with my salary, no really. I want to make sure that everyone knows I'm hovering the "paycheck to paycheck" situation.

Why does getting married be a money issue? Girls are so brainwashed into that one fairy tales day in their life. I'll say right now I'd like to get a cheaper ring and actually use that saved money toward something more practical. Her day is being added to the pressure saying a man should spend 2 months salary on a ring..yea thats like 4000$ or 80$ a month for 4 years. Actually I investigated that thought and found it to be a marketing ploy by a diamond company so I dont think much of it anymore.

Am I being cheap talking like that? I spent the 2 last years getting out of debt..I refuse to be slave to money problems. And then we have all those project..which would eventually be more $ spent..

need counseling

[LewFX]

my gf would take anything i give her and still love it...if its a $50 ring vs $4000...its suppose to a symbol of your love not how much you pay to love her

[Random_Stranger]

my gf would take anything i give her and still love it...if its a $50 ring vs $4000...its suppose to a symbol of your love not how much you pay to love her

x2 But on the same token, to women it matters. See, that's what I don't get. Most women get fake eyes (contacts), fake boobs (implants), wear makeup (fake appearance, though lord knows it usually helps), wear high heels (even though they aren't that tall). All this fake stuff and talk about how they want a real man. I also notice they wear a lot of costume jewelery sometimes and the moment you get something that broke you and wasn't enough, they get all pissed off. Now, if you can give it all you got, and they can appreciate this, then you know you got yourself a good woman. Which is why I am going to go with what Jeff said. If they love it like a million dollars, then you got yourself a good woman. That's how my ex was, but I still had to let her go. But I will tell you this, since then, it's never been the same with me and the ladies.

[hongkongnerdboy]

well think back way then, all the movies they seen, all the cartoons they seen, they all portray marriage as your one day where shes the "princess" and its her day, sure you might go blow 60k on one day, then have a divorce in 3 months. but thats women for you. up until now they seen weddings as thier day to feel special from all those brainwashing dolls,movies,cartoons,parents,friends,sisters, etc etc whoever had marriages

[supershannon77]

If you are ready to marry her why not get the ring you can afford now you can always buy a different ring when you are more stable or have a different stone set in.

Me being a women I do wish to have everything perfect so its something im more then willing to wait for until my life is ready to take that next step. I think both me and my bf know that we are right for each other but waiting for our lifes to be in place is what is important since we are so young.

I mean everyone is different but I do feel that most of us women want to be able to brag about how great our bf is bc he planned a romantic evening and give me this beautiful ring. When in reality its not about all that its about how you feel for each other and take care of each other that makes all the difference.

Im gonna keep ranting here....

This is what I dream of...I go and visit my grandfather and grandmother and my grandmother is not in good health and all my grandfather does is live for my grandmother he has everything set for her...if she calls him he runs to see what she needs..he just honestly whole heartedly loves her and that is how I wish my life would be...

I guess all I am saying is the ring is just a symbol of ur love its not you loving her is just a way to say I do love you..whats most important imo is how you go about showing ur love there on out.

[lagos]

You gots to pay to keep tappin that bootay!

[supershannon77]

How romantic Art.

[Random_Stranger]

You gots to pay to keep tappin that bootay!

Spoken like a true man! But I would have to agree. Let me be a nerd and speak in terms of Magic the Gathering (yes the friggin card game).... There most certainly is "Cumulative Upkeep". Keeping a woman is like casting Lord of the Pitt. If you cannot make the sacrifice each round, it deals 7 damage to you and is tapped out so you cannot use it.

[xs94st]

damn lagos

funny, but straightforward

rayme, i think you should start saving. asap. and, while saving, continue thinking of how, when and where you will pop the question. you should try to make it perfect, smooth, and romantic. pretty much all that cheesy stuff in the movies (unless she isn't the kinda girl that likes that stuff).

make it memorable. besides getting married, having kids, its gonna be one of the most important days of her life

good luck man

[jgreening]

You know what? Today's fake diamonds are indistinguishable from real diamonds to the untrained eye. Some are so hard that they can actually cut glass too.

I say you get her a ring with a 3/4 carat (not too big) fake diamond with a REALLY nice gold band that you think she would like. It will set you back about $250 but it will look identical to a $3000 ring. You could say you got it on ebay. That way if she ever gets it appraised and finds out your secret, you could claim that YOU got scammed!

[I do not take responsibility to what this might do to your relationship if you are caught.... ]

[forkee]

consider yourself lucky...

my gf wants a 2 carat $8,000 round diamond ring set in white gold; colorless with basically no inclusions (vvs)

she keeps complaining that everyone around her is getting married but its not like i can pull 8 grand out of my arse

check out moissanite for an alternative stone. its way better than cz and has a greater light dispersion (known as fire) than diamond.

http://www.moissanite.com/

This post has been edited by forkee: Mar 8, 2008 - 7:18 PM

[JoKeRkId613]

lol. im so glad im a "player". dont gotta worry about that bs.

[Rayme]

consider yourself lucky...

my gf wants a 2 carat $8,000 round diamond ring set in white gold; colorless with basically no inclusions (vvs)

she keeps complaining that everyone around her is getting married but its not like i can pull 8 grand out of my arse

check out moissanite for an alternative stone. its way better than cz and has a greater light dispersion (known as fire) than diamond.

http://www.moissanite.com/

I love that stone....! Sounds even more exotic than diamonds.

I'm still pissed off at all that talk with her, I mean she'd marry ME cause she loves me and a stone shouldn't be the whole concern...right?

Funny how we are not even wed and it seems like it's starting to be one thing to sheer us apart already. ****ign ironic.

[_mikeE]

Well, how long have you been with your gf? And, its not a good thing to try to "rush" you into a marriage (long-term agreement) like this, you both should wait on the right time. And yes you are right that marriage shouldn't be about how nice a ring is but the dedication and agreement you agreed to mend upon for marrying her.
But damn, you're in quite of a jam man, especially with her wanting a rock like that woosh! Still hope to seeing you coming out to Sherbrooke bro.

Also to jokerkid613, you're gonna eventually have to settle down someday. By the time you hit about 40, you're gonna eventually realize you wanna start a family and stable job and life. As goes with when you're retired, you don't wanna bum around in a retirement home now do ya? You're gonna wanna live in a nice house that you worked for and that your kids will raise and live in ease.

[dabazied]

Honestly your best bet is to find a jeweler that isn't a big chain or whatever, but still a very nice company..... look for nice loose diamonds, find one with good depth and nice qualities that you think she'll like, if you pick the loose diamond and the color/clarity right n match it with the right setting then she'll never really know what the real carat is unless she gets it checked out... but a day or so after you give it to her tell her after you 2 get more stable in the future (i know this line is cheesy), "When we get to the point of more financial stability in our lives I'll get you the ring you deserve.". But if you get the right stone matched with the right setting, then honestly she'll think it's bigger n better than it really is..... just a good option to save some money n make her happy, or at least content.

[ILuvMyCelica95]

my gf would take anything i give her and still love it...if its a $50 ring vs $4000...its suppose to a symbol of your love not how much you pay to love her

The real truth spoken right here.

You gots to pay to keep tappin that bootay!

I lol'd Art.

You know what? Today's fake diamonds are indistinguishable from real diamonds to the untrained eye. Some are so hard that they can actually cut glass too.

I say you get her a ring with a 3/4 carat (not too big) fake diamond with a REALLY nice gold band that you think she would like. It will set you back about $250 but it will look identical to a $3000 ring. You could say you got it on ebay. That way if she ever gets it appraised and finds out your secret, you could claim that YOU got scammed!

[I do not take responsibility to what this might do to your relationship if you are caught.... ]

Not a bad idea.


And now for my rant.

I HATE when women talk about marriage all the time and pressure their boyfriends. I talk about it with my b/f but we BOTH bring it up.
If she HAS to have a $2,000 ring tell her tough **** you're going to have to wait If you are at the paycheck to paycheck point putting yourself in debt so she can show off a ring to her friends is pure stupidity. If you have a really good relationship you should be able to talk about it openly. That's what I do. Chris knows exactly the kind of ring i want but he knows that whatever he gives me whether it be 2 carats or .2 i'm going to be happy because I get to spend the rest of my life with someone i love.
In conclusion it SHOULD NOT be all about the ring. Do what you can afford and if she can't deal with that then it's time to move on.

[speedfeen]

Sparkle Sparkle

This site is here in NB in Moncton, my friends husband went there for a ring, and paid like 2500 and it got appraised for like 9grand. I was thinking of getting mine there, its a business not a chain and well, if you can only afford a couple hundred or a grand you will get more than you bargain here




my .02


Me and my bf wanted to get married on a racetrack, but we only have one around here and it sucks so were going to get married outside. As per the ring of course any girl wants a nice bigger one, but you settle for what you get. If you go broke cause you bought her the one she wants think of how long it will take you to even save up for the wedding!
And like dabazied said if you need to get one for now then thats fine and then when you have more money and more financially stable then you can get her the one she wants without having to make it worse paycheck to paycheck and/or break the bank :S

[fastgt]

I'm at that point in life wherw me and the GF talks more and more about marriage. I don't have a problem with it I love her. But my main concern is all that is money related wise..specially the "stone".

To put things in perspective, we have 2 relatively new cars and a house, all which are not paied, I make under 30 000$ a year, she makes about 15% more than me annualy.

Cliff note, the girl wants a ring that is about 2000$+, she has that way of saying afford what you can but I'll be sad and disapointed if I get a 400$ ring.

Oh and by the way, I got the reputation of being cheap. That's the way I can afford a WRX with my salary, no really. I want to make sure that everyone knows I'm hovering the "paycheck to paycheck" situation.

Why does getting married be a money issue? Girls are so brainwashed into that one fairy tales day in their life. I'll say right now I'd like to get a cheaper ring and actually use that saved money toward something more practical. Her day is being added to the pressure saying a man should spend 2 months salary on a ring..yea thats like 4000$ or 80$ a month for 4 years. Actually I investigated that thought and found it to be a marketing ploy by a diamond company so I dont think much of it anymore.

Am I being cheap talking like that? I spent the 2 last years getting out of debt..I refuse to be slave to money problems. And then we have all those project..which would eventually be more $ spent..

need counseling

Judging from your post I can tell you that it is in your best interest to not get married man....youre just not ready financially. Plus never allow any woman to force you into marriage. If she really loves you she can wait until you are ready.

[brthrurik]

go for fancier cuts in smaller sizes... (e.g. .25 / .75) an S1-VS2 clarity G-L color marquis, emerald or princess cut will look much larger than any of the traditional cuts. and can normaly be had for between 300 and 1500$

but I would have to agree, If she'd leave if it's not perfect. It's not the "time"

My wedding including all the jewelry cost me a total of 1700$

[Rayme]

thanks for all the opinions.

Actually yesterday we went around jewlers to see prices and she tried some on, I feel a little more at ease, cause I know shi*t about marriage in general lol..

And she has such small hands that she said 1 karat diamonds rings kinda look too big and bothersome on her hands (can you beleive it?)..

Anyway, I'll check that link Feen, I work pretty close to that place I think so I can go take a hike there shortly and get informed. Anyway I dont feel like its a rush to get married, just some eventual event because we're pretty happy together, and I'm thinking I should get something at least in the 1500$ era...diamond or not.

Pfeew

This post has been edited by Rayme: Mar 11, 2008 - 6:34 PM