Ever feel like you don't have what it takes? Options

[acenova]

Ever just feel down, like you're a loser with a wasted life? I'm 20 yrs. old, in college, never got great grades, but always good enough to pass. I've had jobs before, but never have money. I model, but for some reason feel inadequate in comparison. I have a beautiful, wonderful girlfriend that I've never been so happy with, and I don't feel I deserve her. I would do anything for her and for any of my friends, and I've always treated her the best that anyone has ever treated her before. Why is it that I'm scared I'm going to lose her? Why do I feel as though, even though her past boyfriends were asses and ****ed her over, I don't match up? Why is it that I feel that my material things and my lack of organization in life make me inadequate as a human and not fit to date this girl? I'm usually a fairly confident guy, I don't have it all, but I've got it pretty good. Yet realizing this, telling myself this, I am in shambles, and slowly becoming more and more insecure. Anyone have this??? Anyone get over this????

[orvillescelica]

from what you describe, it seems you have a case of depression steming from low self esteem. But from what you describe, it does not seem you have chronic depression, nor is it a case of chronic low self esteem either. These feeling of low self esteem may come from the fact that you are surrounded by very competitve environments hat often demand and reward the best such as a Univeristy or the modeling field. Both of these places make it a point to distiguish themselves by saying that the people here are 'the best of the best.' By feeling or doing average in these areas, you feel that you dont live up to that montra, that you are in fact not the best of the best. But in reality, the fact that you are there proves that you do belong there among the best. It is true that there will always be someone better, but it is unfair to compare and judge yourself based on others. Where as they are better than you in some areas, you are undoubtably better than them in others.

In your love life, this feeling of low self esteem carries itself over. You feel that in order to deserve something you must work for it, pay for it, or suffer for it. That there must be a cause before the effect. That effect being with your girlfriend, you feel that you have done nothing or are currently doing nothing to have caused this. Coming from the theme of low sefl esteem, you need to redefine your definition of this 'cause.' This is not always an active thing that must be toiled through nor a certian minimum limit that you must meet in order to qualify for what you are seeking, but simply it is being what you are that that creates this 'cause' and fullfils this limit qualification.

Im saying all this because i actually do suffer from chronic low self esteem, though mine rarely dips to any for of depression. Your symptoms from what you describe sound very much like what i often think and go through. My advice is find out why you do what you do. Why do you go to school for what you do, why do you model? You say you are not the best in both, thats fine, but yet you do it nonetheless. If you feel you are not the best, why do you still do it? Not everyone does things to be the best. Once you find your reason why you do what you do, you can focus on that and then become happy in being where you are, achieving what you achieve and doing what you do.

This post has been edited by orvillescelica: Apr 24, 2005 - 5:32 PM