help my friend out, what should he do? what should I do? Options

[Shigexile]

in short: my friend got cheated on by this girl the whole time they were dating. they break up. the girl realizes she loves him and wants to get back together. my friends loves her too but just can't get over the fact that she cheated on him. things will not be the same. the girl calls me and begs me to do something to get them back together again. they still have feeling for each other but the guy doesn't want to go out with her again since he thinks he's gonna get laughed at for going out with a girl that cheated on him. keep reading....the bottom if you're gonna skip the detailed version...


in detail: so my friend has been dating this girl for almost a year and its going great. well at least he thought so. on the other side, the girl has been seeing her ex the whole time.

the girl is really not that bright of a girl and she herself sometimes doesn't know what she is doing. so over the summer, she goes off to a different state to work for her uncle at a restraunt. now, this is the part: she went to the other state so she can get closer to her ex.
my friend on the other side, goes all the way down to her restraunt where she is working and bring her some treats. hes a really nice guy who cares a lot for this girl, putting her in front of anything else in mind.

mid summer comes along and i go back to see my relatives in japan. i come back and suprised to hear that they broke up. from what i hear, my friend was getting worried because she isn't calling as much and conversations between them are getting less and less. since this girl's cell phone doesn't work in this state, he has to cal through her mother. now this women hates my friend, not letting him talk to her. as pissed as my friend gets, he has his mother call and ask for her. his mother sounds, you know "old", so her mother lets her talk to the girl. the girl tells the whole truth to his mother. now he know all what has been going on. on the phone, she breaks up with my friend (which this was his first girlfriend).

later on, the girl realizes how much she really loves him and how he treated her like she was the "one of his life". so, she breaks up with her ex and then wants to get back with my friend again. obviously, it doesn't go well. so now she tries to kill herself, do weird things to get attention, all these crazy things. you know, to make him come back to her.


Now what i think: okay, so i think she need to go on with her life. there are many other guys out there, some could be just like him in heart. if she still wants to get back with him no matter what, go for it. just give him some time. work slowly.
i don't think its necessary a bad idea to allow a girl who cheated on you to go out with you again. it won't be the same for sure but now the girl knows how she really feels about him so i don't think she will do it again. if she does? you know shes using you or playing with you. dump her.
this is how i see it from my stand point of not having a girl friend ever in my stupid rotten life.

how will you guys see it? allow her to be with you again, never talk to her again, only be friends after some interval of not seeing each other?
Girls too, what do you think you should do? let them go if you really love them and let them move on with their life or you should keep trying and never give up do whatever you can to get him back?

sorry for the long post. i just wanted some expert's comments

edit: grammar

This post has been edited by Shigexile: Nov 25, 2005 - 1:19 AM

[acenova]

I've always made a rule for myself! No matter how much I care for and love a girl, if she cheats, she A) was inconsiderate of my feelings, and B) is untrustworthy. For a relationship to work and be healthy, both of these elements, among others, must be present. I do not find any GOOD relationship to be one where either person is untrustworthy. You must be able, and want to be with, someone you can trust in order to be happy, and you must ALWAYS be considerate of the other person and their feelings, because relationship is about compromises made for your significant other. Obviously she couldn't compromise, she wants her cake and eat it to.
Tell your buddy that if he takes her back, he's showing her that with him, and throughout life, she can get away with anything so long as she "feels sorry and realizes that she messed up" which is not the way the world works. Your buddy has a big heart, he deserves someone with a heart just as big, and this girl just doesn't have it. I would say friends AT MOST, nothing more.

P.S. He definitely doesn't want a girl that tries to get him back through threats of bodily harm to herself, or psychotic behavior. I've know A LOT A LOT of people who have had those types, and it never ends well if they take them back based on the psychotic behavior. Normally if they stand their ground, and don't take them back, everything turns out fine. If she's going to act like that, I'd say tell him to back off and give her space, and stop talking to her for a while. That goes double for you, the sooner they break contact, the sooner the healing can begin on both sides.

This post has been edited by acenova: Nov 26, 2005 - 1:18 PM