BULLIED !!!!, ...need help, counsel, shoulder to cry on. Options

[axelrduvirage]

my 12 year-old is being bullied again. he hadn't talked abut it in a while and everything seemed OK. his disposition is always cheerful and although he has moderate to severe learning and social disabilities, still loves to go to school. at least, he has never once said "i don't like it there" or "school sucks!". yesterday he was ambushed and shot at with a BB gun off school property. we have alerted the school and are waiting to talk to the RCMP-school liaison officer today. is there anyone out there who can guide me through this before i do something stupid? i have a very short fuse and am quite a poweful man. combine the two and you have an assault waiting to happen. not that i would ever harm a child, but if i ever confront one of these bullies' parents and they piss me off, i could very easily take it out on them-- verbally (a given) or physically.



peace



ray

[zero07]

I would get the cops involved and of course get the school involved.
Im not sure how things are in Canada but here in Texas they have a zero tollerance policy in most schools against bullies, my wifes an 8th
grade teacher and she says they take that very serious.

Maybe you could also enroll your child in a self-deffense class of some sort just to give him a different perspective.

I think your already doing the best thing that you can do for him which is to be concerned and staying involved with your child.

Just remember:
what comes around goes around

[Shink]

I'm a teacher, and I have to say, even though I know what makes kids tick, and have an idea about their parent's, too, this is still a very tricky issue. Here are my thoughts, though:

Parents: Begin by imagining how you would respond if one of your children was accused of bullying by a parent. How would you want/expect that parent to approach you? How would you respond? Most parents are the same when it comes down to it, so use this as a guide as to how you should approach the other kid's parents. And then do talk to them. Most parents, while a little defensive, will be horrified if their kid is bullying someone and they will try and deal with it. The RCMP will help you with this.

However, be aware that if the kid is a real nasty piece of work, he might bully your son more after you talk to the parents. You know your town, and you know how it works there, but my advice would be to tell the bully's parents, but ask them to do nothing.

Your son: Bullying happens - most of the time - because kids sense weakness. I have seen perfectly nice kids almost accidentally bully someone because that child made it so very easy. I am NOT blaming your son. I am saying that there are maybe gaps in your kid's social skills. It is the bully's fault, he should know better, he should be a better person. He isn't, though, and you can't change him. You can make your son stronger, though, and this will be a useful lesson for his whole life. Fight the battle you can win.

Usually the weakness that bully's exploit is niceness. Sounds weird, but I think it's true. Most kids when socializing in groups are pretty mean to each other, especially boys. Think back to when you were a kid...how many insults did you trade with each other? It was harmless banter, but it's not exactly all cuddles and kisses, is it. So the best thing you can do for your son is teach how to make a good come back. Teach how to respond to this banter with more banter. Teach him some quick responses, then role play them. Role play is very important. Role play normal situations, not bullying ones. The goal is to avoid bullying all together in the future, not deal with this one instance of it. So role play little conversations in which your son has something funny, or cool, or cutting to say. He'll learn this phrases and when he's in social situations he'll use them.

This really does work. I'm actually doing this right now with a boy in my tutor group (UK version of home room) right now. He has minor Asperger's (which is minor dyslexia) and this social disability means he gets made fun off. Since September he's had such a better time at school it's remarkable.

Bullying is a natural part of growing up. Dealing with the bullying is necessary and it makes your son stronger. I was bullied as a kid and now, and it didn't destroy me, and it won't destroy your son. He sounds like a strong young man. I hope this was helpful.