A prefect day joke Options

[gt4uk]

sorry if u have heard this one, but it made me laugh

Woman's Perfect Day


8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 Hot shower- alone

10:50 Carried to bed. freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms



A Man's Perfect Day

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Peringon

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine (4 under)

2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle

5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson

6:45 ****, shower and shave

7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated

7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[D-Man]

idk about golf though...

EDIT: & who needs a limo? maybe i'm just too blue collar...

This post has been edited by D-Man: Jun 18, 2008 - 8:27 AM

[Supersprynt]

Sounds good to me

[x_itchy_b_x]

women are delusional.

[DEATH]

Dude you can cut that list down to 3-5 of those things for me
Bah - who needs a limo and personal leer jet when you drive a Turbo Celica? And change that Michael Jackson assasinated to "Speed limit abolished on left most freeway/highway lanes"

This post has been edited by DEATH: Jun 18, 2008 - 9:17 AM

[lagos]

Wait... how did you know what I did yesterday?

[D-Man]

change that Michael Jackson assasinated to "Speed limit abolished on left most freeway/highway lanes"

X2

(i like Michael Jackson)

By the way, In the 80's, if someone told you: "In 20 years, Michael Jackson, (The King of Pop, an International Bad-Ass) will be a washed up joke, But Weird Al Yankavoch will still be relivent" would you have believed them?

[gt4uk]

Wait... how did you know what I did yesterday?

[dnyluong]

That last part about the fart i lol'd at work, it was bad ahah

[ILuvMyCelica95]

LIES.

where the hell is the sex for the woman? I'll write my OWN perfect day ty very much.

[lagos]

LIES.

where the hell is the sex for the woman? I'll write my OWN perfect day ty very much.

Its in there. Read it again... its called shopping.

[ILuvMyCelica95]

Re-Write.

Tinabell's Perfect Day <3

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 8:15 AM? are you kidding me? I thought this was a perfect day? Hugs and Kisses at 8:15 am before coffee is a bad idea.

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday Yeah that can stay.

8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner That **** will get crumbs in my bed. Gtfo. Presents can stay add sex.

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil Idk what "frangipani" is... how about we scratch that and go to the beach.

10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer Umm Hello I lost 5 pounds i don't need to go to the gym. Still at the beach.

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave ehhh make that at 11:30 and it can stay.

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe are we still on the beach? then ok.

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 222lbs, has acne, is wearing a moo-moo and get hits by a truck.

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit keep.

3:00 Sex then Nap Who doesn't love a nap after sex.

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer Secret admirer is just a nice name for a stalker. I don't want your creeper flowers. I'm still napping.

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body Yet another creeper. No touchy thanks.

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe and shoes, what about the fabulous shoes.

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by desert on the beach, alone with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 Hot shower- alone Showering alone wastes water, besides i don't need one yet. Still on the beach.

10:50 Carried to bed in an open room on the beach so i can hear the ocean. freshly ironed, crisp, white linen If you can carry me then more power to you. Seriously, who irons sheets ?

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling um no. sex. really really good sex.

1:00 Shower, not alone.

1:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms yeaaah i guess so, but i'll probably push you in 10 min and tell you to stay on your side.

Better.

LIES.

where the hell is the sex for the woman? I'll write my OWN perfect day ty very much.

Its in there. Read it again... its called shopping.

Shopping and sex are not to be confused. Both are fantastic but if i had to choose between the two i wouldnt pick shopping. Besides if i choose sex then wtf do i need to go shopping for, i dont need clothes.

[D-Man]

I LOL'ed my ass off @ Tinabell's Perfect Day <3

[ILuvMyCelica95]

Sometimes i make people lol.

[Supersprynt]

[LewFX]

that was awesome Tina!!

[GriffGirl]

Tina, marry me!!! LMFAO! I couldn't have written that better myself! You had me with the crumbs in the bed and the fat b1tch wearing a moo-moo. That's some funny sh*t!

Edit: I just realized I think this actually made my day. It's that good! Thank you!!!!

This post has been edited by GriffGirl: Jun 18, 2008 - 2:46 PM

[DEATH]

You ought to read the one the GF edited earlier this morning Griffy - can't post that one here tho. Family site

[GriffGirl]

You ought to read the one the GF edited earlier this morning Griffy - can't post that one here tho. Family site

you have my email, send it on!

[supershannon77]

Tina I am with you on this one...Why does it always seem like the guys want sex all the time and women never do...This is 2008 people some things have changed!