help my friend out, what should he do? what should I do? Options

[Shigexile]

in short: my friend got cheated on by this girl the whole time they were dating. they break up. the girl realizes she loves him and wants to get back together. my friends loves her too but just can't get over the fact that she cheated on him. things will not be the same. the girl calls me and begs me to do something to get them back together again. they still have feeling for each other but the guy doesn't want to go out with her again since he thinks he's gonna get laughed at for going out with a girl that cheated on him. keep reading....the bottom if you're gonna skip the detailed version...


in detail: so my friend has been dating this girl for almost a year and its going great. well at least he thought so. on the other side, the girl has been seeing her ex the whole time.

the girl is really not that bright of a girl and she herself sometimes doesn't know what she is doing. so over the summer, she goes off to a different state to work for her uncle at a restraunt. now, this is the part: she went to the other state so she can get closer to her ex.
my friend on the other side, goes all the way down to her restraunt where she is working and bring her some treats. hes a really nice guy who cares a lot for this girl, putting her in front of anything else in mind.

mid summer comes along and i go back to see my relatives in japan. i come back and suprised to hear that they broke up. from what i hear, my friend was getting worried because she isn't calling as much and conversations between them are getting less and less. since this girl's cell phone doesn't work in this state, he has to cal through her mother. now this women hates my friend, not letting him talk to her. as pissed as my friend gets, he has his mother call and ask for her. his mother sounds, you know "old", so her mother lets her talk to the girl. the girl tells the whole truth to his mother. now he know all what has been going on. on the phone, she breaks up with my friend (which this was his first girlfriend).

later on, the girl realizes how much she really loves him and how he treated her like she was the "one of his life". so, she breaks up with her ex and then wants to get back with my friend again. obviously, it doesn't go well. so now she tries to kill herself, do weird things to get attention, all these crazy things. you know, to make him come back to her.


Now what i think: okay, so i think she need to go on with her life. there are many other guys out there, some could be just like him in heart. if she still wants to get back with him no matter what, go for it. just give him some time. work slowly.
i don't think its necessary a bad idea to allow a girl who cheated on you to go out with you again. it won't be the same for sure but now the girl knows how she really feels about him so i don't think she will do it again. if she does? you know shes using you or playing with you. dump her.
this is how i see it from my stand point of not having a girl friend ever in my stupid rotten life.

how will you guys see it? allow her to be with you again, never talk to her again, only be friends after some interval of not seeing each other?
Girls too, what do you think you should do? let them go if you really love them and let them move on with their life or you should keep trying and never give up do whatever you can to get him back?

sorry for the long post. i just wanted some expert's comments

edit: grammar

This post has been edited by Shigexile: Nov 25, 2005 - 1:19 AM

[CelicaZR]

That is a sad story.
Personally, I wouldn't get involved.
It's between them two.
So instead of she calling you.
Tell her to call your friend and sort it out.
If your friend doesnt want to get with her than
she should move on.
It's her fault in the first place.

[Shigexile]

yeah, i don't want to get involved but too late. i'm a good friend of both. they both seeked me for help. and i've helped the girl into not killing her self over the phone like every day and the guy to not feel horrible and cheer him up.

but yes, its her fault and she knows it and feels bad for it. but she doesn't want to move on....

This post has been edited by Shigexile: Nov 25, 2005 - 1:35 AM

[shin]

it's nvr easy being the middle man of 2 friends. wat you could do is get the both out and talk it through. one meet, one decision on that day. to rekindle the old flame or to blow it out once and for all is all up to them. only thing you could do is this much. the rest is up to them. i think everyone should have a 2nd chance. but it all depends on how much they cherish it.

[Digndoug]

for you try to stay out.. What to tell your friend.. Tell him to forget about her, not the fact that once a cheater always.. but that it took that to realize what she had.. F- that.. My ex tried to do that **** on me.. Fuk it... Bunch of BS.. He should stay away.. Its one thing if it were like maybe a one time thing when she drank to much or some bs.. but not over a year's time.

[Yota]

I was cheated on in January by a girlfriend that I dated for 3 1/2 years. I think your buddy will be much better off moving on. I think at the very least, they could try to salvage a low-key friendship. But nothing more. your buddy has a heart too and I don't think it would be fair to him to have to risk all of this happening again before he makes himself certain that they're not meant to be together. He'll find someone else that'll make him feel much more confident in himself without having this haunting question of uncertainty he will have if he dates her again.

[acenova]

I've always made a rule for myself! No matter how much I care for and love a girl, if she cheats, she A) was inconsiderate of my feelings, and B) is untrustworthy. For a relationship to work and be healthy, both of these elements, among others, must be present. I do not find any GOOD relationship to be one where either person is untrustworthy. You must be able, and want to be with, someone you can trust in order to be happy, and you must ALWAYS be considerate of the other person and their feelings, because relationship is about compromises made for your significant other. Obviously she couldn't compromise, she wants her cake and eat it to.
Tell your buddy that if he takes her back, he's showing her that with him, and throughout life, she can get away with anything so long as she "feels sorry and realizes that she messed up" which is not the way the world works. Your buddy has a big heart, he deserves someone with a heart just as big, and this girl just doesn't have it. I would say friends AT MOST, nothing more.

P.S. He definitely doesn't want a girl that tries to get him back through threats of bodily harm to herself, or psychotic behavior. I've know A LOT A LOT of people who have had those types, and it never ends well if they take them back based on the psychotic behavior. Normally if they stand their ground, and don't take them back, everything turns out fine. If she's going to act like that, I'd say tell him to back off and give her space, and stop talking to her for a while. That goes double for you, the sooner they break contact, the sooner the healing can begin on both sides.

This post has been edited by acenova: Nov 26, 2005 - 1:18 PM

[saleeka]

if she has become suisidal over this- she needs to get her priorites straight and get her head back before she even thinks about getting involved again in ANY relationship...

[Shigexile]

yeah thanks guys.
it seems like they are seeing each other again. as in friend relationship. but they still having that feeling for each other? i don't know.
but anywho, thanks for the comments guys. she stoped calling me so i can't really do anything anyways..


BUT, you guys can help ME out.

haha, well you see, there is this girl that keeps looking at me. does that mean she thinks i'm weird or see actualy wants to talk to me? meh, i don't understand girls.
how do you guys think i should aproach her? btw, she always haves like two big guys by her all the time... and i'm a type of guy who can't start conversations well.
i never talked to her, eyes met couple times but thats it.
yeah, i know its sad. its also a sad fact that i never had a girlfriend for 18 years of my life.

[soulshadow]

The guys are supposed to be the one with the balls not the grils.
If the guy can't do SHI* while his girlfriend goes around doing what she wants than that just means hes being played. <----- you see girls are supposed to be the Hoe, and the guy is the pimp. If the guy becomes the hoe and the girl becomes the Pimp than that just means that the guy ain't got no balls and being played just suits him well.

We live in a socitey where the ball-less and the ball-more exists. If you ain't got no balls, you shouldn't complain. Perhaps that's why her girlfriend ditched him in the first place and after she couldn't get anymore from the source, she turned back and said, "SHI* I had a chance to get two balls, but now the big one got cut off so im left with the small one. Anyway, one ball is better than a no-ball!"

If it doesn't revolve around you such as you being shot by the two, than don't get involve in there love affair. !

[Redline_Racer]

Any girl no matter what she looks like or how she acts if she cheats once she'll cheat again! and if you are the "other" guy and the girl wants to date you dont do it cause she'll just cheat on you.
Whats wrong with you girls....your almost as bad as us guys now adays.

-Brandon

[Shigexile]

If it doesn't revolve around you such as you being shot by the two, than don't get involve in there love affair. !

hey, don't worry man. they got it all taken care of now.