Relationship Problems, I Honestly Dont Know What To Do Options

[6th_celi_vert]

First off, you have to understand this girl:

She was raised Very strictly. Her father has taught her to be tough, NEVER show emotions, and to always stand her ground. With that being said, she is also VERY stubborn. I never know what she's thinking, and im pretty good at reading people. Now that you understand the girl, try to understand the situation.

We have been dating two years. We have always got along.

About a month ago, her father saw her at a restaurant with another guy. He kicked her out, and told me the situation. I broke up with her, but she said that it was just a friend from work, and that there was gonna be a bunch of other people she worked with there.

The Facts: They were in seperate cars. She wasnt all over him, he wasnt all over her. (her dad would have told me)


I took her back. fast forward to last week. Her phone rings, were at my house. She goes to the bathroom, and hear them talking. Its the same guy she got caught with at the restaurant. Theyre arguing, i tell her to leave.


She keeps calling me, telling me she's sorry, that she loves me, and she admits to going out with him and calling him and him calling her. She promises and swears that she never kissed him, or anything more than that. She also says that He isnt worth losing me, and that she doesnt love him, she loves me.

Tonight...I took her back. I didnt want to, but i did. I love her so much, i cant help it. Did i do the right thing? should I have given her a second chance??

BTW...she cried. Ive not seen her cry in the two years weve been dating.



PS: She DOES have to work with this guy.


Has anybody here ever been cheated on by the person you wanted to spend your life with?

It hurts, i dont know how to deal with it, im confused...im losing my mind. Seriously.

[Toyoca]

how old are you just wondering

[6th_celi_vert]

I turned 20 6 days ago.

[Toyoca]

well it seems that they have some sort of feelings for eachother and thats not right that shes been hanging out with him/ talking to him behind your back.

if she knows that it hurts you and that you think it isnt right yet she still has the NEED to converse with him so much outside of work than its disrespect and you should not be with her imo

[6th_celi_vert]

thats how i feel...i just love her alot, and dont want it to end. We separated for about a week, and all i did was lay around the house and worry about it. I cant think about anything else.

[SinisterWhisper]

Its hard but I'd say kick her to the curb. She lied to you a couple of times so how can you really trust her? I know it will hurt for awhile, but you'll get over it rather then worrying that she is being honest with you from now on.

[6th_celi_vert]

Im so confused. Anyone here ever had somebody they loved cheat on them?

[forkee]

not to be devils advocate here but......


it seems like you broke up with her because of what her father said and not what you saw.

it sounded like you took his word over hers and in her mind she might have felt betrayed for that.

so what if she did go out with that guy. you guys did break up for awhile. what if, while they were hanging out, she realized how better of a person you are and how better off she is with you than that guy. and maybe she was arguing with him because shes trying to get him off her back.

what you need to remember is that it is a relationship between you two. you dont know what you saw at the restaurant. you dont know what they were arguing about over the phone. all you do know, is what has built up for 2 years between the 2 of you.

you may have given us info about her, but we also need info about you to make a thorough enough opinion. it just sounds like you're insecure and don't trust her, especially since you jump to conclusions quickly. sounds like you might need to address that issue first. if you did trust her, than who care's who she works with.

u suck for making her cry, shame on you!

[6th_celi_vert]

not to be devils advocate here but......


it seems like you broke up with her because of what her father said and not what you saw.

it sounded like you took his word over hers and in her mind she might have felt betrayed for that.

so what if she did go out with that guy. you guys did break up for awhile. what if, while they were hanging out, she realized how better of a person you are and how better off she is with you than that guy. and maybe she was arguing with him because shes trying to get him off her back.

what you need to remember is that it is a relationship between you two. you dont know what you saw at the restaurant. you dont know what they were arguing about over the phone. all you do know, is what has built up for 2 years between the 2 of you.

you may have given us info about her, but we also need info about you to make a thorough enough opinion. it just sounds like you're insecure and don't trust her, especially since you jump to conclusions quickly. sounds like you might need to address that issue first. if you did trust her, than who care's who she works with.

u suck for making her cry, shame on you!

Good points, here's how i am:

*I treat every female in my life like pure gold. I was raised by my mom, and ws taught how to treat women. Amanda (thats her name) was no exception. She got ANYTHING she wanted, i told her i loved her all the time, in the two years we dated, not one time did I ever raise my voice to her or call her a name. She was treated like a princess. (perhaps i spoiled her??)

With that being said. I am very insecure, and i do jump to conclusions worse than anybody i know. I would like to trust her again, but she did like to me alot...

Ive never lied to her about anything...ever.

Ive never wanted to be with anyone else...ever.

Ive had plenty of chances to be with other people...told them to leave me alone.


Im not the bad person here. She cried because i was crying i think.

[eggman40]

youre 20 huh? same age as me... If i were in your shoes, i would say definitely break up with her. if you dont cheat on her, why should she be alowed to do it? thats messed up towards you and your efforts... shows how much she cares It will be hard but you gotta try and lick your wounds on your own and start over. youre still young....



and dont just lounge around the house man... get out and do something to keep your mind off of it. Hit the gym, work on your car, go out with friends... something otherwise youll loose your mind and youll give in and call her up and take her back. Good Luck with your situation man... i hope the best for you whatever decision you make

This post has been edited by eggman40: Dec 18, 2006 - 11:13 PM

[CelicaBuddy]

I dunno... It is someone she works with... and its not like its uncommon for people to make good friends at their work place. Good friends hang out, and at some point or another good friends do argue...

I dunno I cant help but feel your accusing her in ways that she doesnt deserve... Thats just how I feel anyways... I dont really know your entire story so I cant say much really... If I knew what they were arguing about then maybe thatd change things... but by the sounds of it it seems like shes doing nothing wrong IMO...

But basically... I agree with what Forkee was talking about... he made some very good points...

Hope things work out for ya though!

[jgreening]

I would bet alot of money that she will do it again - if not this guy, then someone else. Once a woman starts to think that there may be something better out there, that thought never leaves her mind. She might have determined that this guy wasn't worth losing you, but what about the next? I would be careful and start distancing yourself from her emotionally.

[97lestyousay]

Im so confused. Anyone here ever had somebody they loved cheat on them?

Yep. It really sucks. Once someone you love blows the trust
thing its really hard to get that back, suspisions(sp) always seem to arise.
I don't want to bring anyone down on love, because it can be a wonderful thing,
so i'll shut up now. Do what feels right for you.

This post has been edited by 97lestyousay: Dec 19, 2006 - 1:42 AM

[JonMarkos]

I would bet alot of money that she will do it again - if not this guy, then someone else. Once a woman starts to think that there may be something better out there, that thought never leaves her mind. She might have determined that this guy wasn't worth losing you, but what about the next? I would be careful and start distancing yourself from her emotionally.

x2 Once a cheater always a cheater, especially after two years. She's probably bored and wants something new and unfortunately you'll be hurt in the process.

[malpaso]

I believe is right you are back together. Lunch with some colleague from work is nothing, phone call too... Seems to me like that colleague from work just trying how strong is your relationship with her. Just talk to her and let her know what is your opinion about him... that's all.

p.s.: when girl with background like you described cries , she is really sorry.

[6th_celi_vert]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Like I said, we are going back out. She sent me a single text message this morning that said "just wanted to say that i love you".


And as far as the friend in the workplace goes. She told me several times that they were just friends...i just...wouldnt listen. I convinced myself that she was cheating on me and then harassed her about it so much that I almost wonder if she admitted to cheating on me just to get me to shut the hell up.

But...by the same token...she COULD HAVE been cheating on me. Ill never know. I just know that if she messes up this time, im gone for good. I love her to death, but i honestly dont deserve to be treated like this.

With the mixture of 50+ hours a week working, three nights a week going to school, taking jiu-jitsu classes and trying work out everyday, I cant handle anymore stress from this relationship.

[sinner96ST]

x2 Once a cheater always a cheater, especially after two years. She's probably bored and wants something new and unfortunately you'll be hurt in the process.

+1

every single time in a relationship where i've given the girl a second chance, it's burned me.

you won't leave cause you're attached to her, if she does continue to cheat, she'll just get better at hiding it in the future.

good luck with whatever you decide. this is my personal experience, btw, your woman may or may not be totally different from what i've encountered with women who i've caught.

This post has been edited by sinner96ST: Dec 19, 2006 - 9:37 AM

[jsnole]

My EX-wife started cheating with someone she worked with, as soon as i found out, it was over. How could i trust her after that. Anytime she would have said...Im going out after work with the "girls" how would i know? and also it would always be in my head. I could not live like that. I now have a great wife(#2) I dont even have to worry about her because of her character. If they do it once, how can you trust them not to do it again.......

[bufferdan]

You dont even know if she's cheated. All you know is she ate out with a guy from work and talked to him on the phone some... Its not that big of a deal yet. Just ask her if she has feelings for him or him for her maybe? Tell her the situation with him makes you feel uncomfortable and see what she says. I wouldnt worry too much about it until you have more knowledge of the situation. Unless there is more to the story than your telling us?

This post has been edited by bufferdan: Dec 19, 2006 - 11:05 AM

[6th_celi_vert]

You dont even know if she's cheated. All you know is she ate out with a guy from work and talked to him on the phone some... Its not that big of a deal yet. Just ask her if she has feelings for him or him for her maybe? Tell her the situation with him makes you feel uncomfortable and see what she says. I wouldnt worry too much about it until you have more knowledge of the situation. Unless there is more to the story than your telling us?

She told me He tried to kiss her, but she turned away when he tried. She said he didnt mean anything to her, and that she knew he wouldnt treat her the way i did.