BULLIED !!!!, ...need help, counsel, shoulder to cry on. Options

[axelrduvirage]

my 12 year-old is being bullied again. he hadn't talked abut it in a while and everything seemed OK. his disposition is always cheerful and although he has moderate to severe learning and social disabilities, still loves to go to school. at least, he has never once said "i don't like it there" or "school sucks!". yesterday he was ambushed and shot at with a BB gun off school property. we have alerted the school and are waiting to talk to the RCMP-school liaison officer today. is there anyone out there who can guide me through this before i do something stupid? i have a very short fuse and am quite a poweful man. combine the two and you have an assault waiting to happen. not that i would ever harm a child, but if i ever confront one of these bullies' parents and they piss me off, i could very easily take it out on them-- verbally (a given) or physically.



peace



ray

[Supersprynt]

Wouldn't that be a police matter? That's basically assault.

[cnelson]

I'd call that assault. Being shot at and bullied are different. Take it from someone who was bullied only a couple years ago when i around that age. Being bullied sucks. People made fun of me for my weight all the time. The best thing you can tell him is to stick it out.. Because as kids grow up it all goes away. However now that i've lost so much weight its not an issue. But yeah.. that sounds more like assault than anything else. Try to confront the kids parents first, tell them what happened and that you are thinking about taking legal action. I'm sure that kid will not mess with your son again.

[cHinaman727]

Your child could have been seriously harmed by a BB pellet. I would not take this lightly. Stay on the police to make sure they do everything and anything possible to put these bullies away. In my dealings with the police, they don't follow through most the time. I think if you really wanted them to do their job, you could get a journalist from a newspaper to start covering your story and pressuring them for action.

As far as confronting their parents, you could try that but what if the parents don't want to believe their child is capable of such meanness.

[playr158]

Call the police, file a report.....you can easily press charges

This post has been edited by playr158: Jan 9, 2008 - 10:42 AM

[FreddyTheOthaMea...]

Wow if some kids shot at my kid with a bb gun id probably flip my top (getting in peoples faces, breakin stuff to look tough etc etc) ... props for keeping your cool as well as you have. Definately call the cops though

[BigRog95]

i have a very short fuse and am quite a poweful man. combine the two and you have an assault waiting to happen. not that i would ever harm a child, but if i ever confront one of these bullies' parents and they piss me off, i could very easily take it out on them-- verbally (a given) or physically.

I'm just glad to hear you haven't done anything stupid yet. If I had a kid and he came home and told me what happend - without thinking, I would've done something stupid. I have to agree, not to the kids who did it, but I would've said something to the parents of the kids.

Well man, I've had similar situations happen to me when I was growing up..Yes..I was bullied..But I definitely haven't put up with it since I was little..But I got bigger, so I don't get effed with so much anymore.

Anyways, on to the advice. I'd talk to the parents before you take it to the police. I would just use the police to scare the kid into never doing it again..But definitely talk to the parents.

But if the parents decide not to do anything about it (doubt they won't do anything), you can put your kid in some sort of "self-defense" class. Such as karate or boxing or something. Just so he can defend himself if situations get to rough - which we all hope don't happen.

[zero07]

I would get the cops involved and of course get the school involved.
Im not sure how things are in Canada but here in Texas they have a zero tollerance policy in most schools against bullies, my wifes an 8th
grade teacher and she says they take that very serious.

Maybe you could also enroll your child in a self-deffense class of some sort just to give him a different perspective.

I think your already doing the best thing that you can do for him which is to be concerned and staying involved with your child.

Just remember:
what comes around goes around

[Shink]

I'm a teacher, and I have to say, even though I know what makes kids tick, and have an idea about their parent's, too, this is still a very tricky issue. Here are my thoughts, though:

Parents: Begin by imagining how you would respond if one of your children was accused of bullying by a parent. How would you want/expect that parent to approach you? How would you respond? Most parents are the same when it comes down to it, so use this as a guide as to how you should approach the other kid's parents. And then do talk to them. Most parents, while a little defensive, will be horrified if their kid is bullying someone and they will try and deal with it. The RCMP will help you with this.

However, be aware that if the kid is a real nasty piece of work, he might bully your son more after you talk to the parents. You know your town, and you know how it works there, but my advice would be to tell the bully's parents, but ask them to do nothing.

Your son: Bullying happens - most of the time - because kids sense weakness. I have seen perfectly nice kids almost accidentally bully someone because that child made it so very easy. I am NOT blaming your son. I am saying that there are maybe gaps in your kid's social skills. It is the bully's fault, he should know better, he should be a better person. He isn't, though, and you can't change him. You can make your son stronger, though, and this will be a useful lesson for his whole life. Fight the battle you can win.

Usually the weakness that bully's exploit is niceness. Sounds weird, but I think it's true. Most kids when socializing in groups are pretty mean to each other, especially boys. Think back to when you were a kid...how many insults did you trade with each other? It was harmless banter, but it's not exactly all cuddles and kisses, is it. So the best thing you can do for your son is teach how to make a good come back. Teach how to respond to this banter with more banter. Teach him some quick responses, then role play them. Role play is very important. Role play normal situations, not bullying ones. The goal is to avoid bullying all together in the future, not deal with this one instance of it. So role play little conversations in which your son has something funny, or cool, or cutting to say. He'll learn this phrases and when he's in social situations he'll use them.

This really does work. I'm actually doing this right now with a boy in my tutor group (UK version of home room) right now. He has minor Asperger's (which is minor dyslexia) and this social disability means he gets made fun off. Since September he's had such a better time at school it's remarkable.

Bullying is a natural part of growing up. Dealing with the bullying is necessary and it makes your son stronger. I was bullied as a kid and now, and it didn't destroy me, and it won't destroy your son. He sounds like a strong young man. I hope this was helpful.

[Chanh55]

Nice post Shink. However I think the situation is a little more serious. His kid got shot at with a BB gun. If the bully kept stealing his lunch or just simply made fun of him I can see what you mentioned above working. But if my kids got shot at by a couple jerks... I'd be pissed.

[Shink]

Nice post Shink. However I think the situation is a little more serious. His kid got shot at with a BB gun. If the bully kept stealing his lunch or just simply made fun of him I can see what you mentioned above working. But if my kids got shot at by a couple jerks... I'd be pissed.

I agree with you. The BB gun thing is very, very serious. But trust me, you will not resolve the bullying by dealing with that attack. All you will resolve by dealing with the BB gun attack is the BB gun attack. Two things are going on here and they both need their own strategy.

[jason]

terroristic actions anyone?? columbine?

im surprised this isint all over abc n whatnot with an almost "school shooting at age 12" type of deal

i dont think there is that much you can do as a parent beyond being there for your son.

i would not let the other kids off, something like this should definately hinder their lives, and in my opinion their parent's as well for raising such an inconsiderate child.

like everyone said to follow up with the police, and im not certain on how issues like this are dealt with where you are, but several years ago when i was in highschool someone brought in a cap gun to threaten another student and all hell broke loose, the kid (17 or so at the time) was expelled, fines were issued and im pretty sure he even got a record. so actually following through with assaulting someone... its a joke that the school hasent already flipped their lids worse than you over the issue

however to keep your calm... everything will iron itself out, if not now, then down the road. if the kids get let off the hook this time, or just get a slap on their wrist, im sure this behavior will continue and (unfortunatley) will probably happen again only much more severe to someone else and then they will get it (at another's expense)

[axelrduvirage]

thanks to all. the matter is being handled by the school (in class taunts and slapping) as well as the local RCMP (BB gun incident). at the request of the school-RCMP liason officer we have filed a formal assault complaint. i didn't think we would have to but if we don't file-- they can't get involved. the RCMP have already contacted one of the kids involved and have confiscated and destroyed the "weapon". OMG it sounds so much more serious when you use terms like assualt, weapon. they are waiting to contact another child in regards to this. i would like to say that my son was reluctant to identify witnesses as to not involve them. they have a saying on the school grounds: "Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches!" Shink you are my UK Dr. Phil---great insight. it's like you know my son. to the rest rest assured. i am keeping my cool and letting the authorities guide us through this.

6gc.net...a COMMUNITY

[Chanh55]

Nice post Shink. However I think the situation is a little more serious. His kid got shot at with a BB gun. If the bully kept stealing his lunch or just simply made fun of him I can see what you mentioned above working. But if my kids got shot at by a couple jerks... I'd be pissed.

I agree with you. The BB gun thing is very, very serious. But trust me, you will not resolve the bullying by dealing with that attack. All you will resolve by dealing with the BB gun attack is the BB gun attack. Two things are going on here and they both need their own strategy.

I don't think he should take the law into his own hands... what those kids did has to be illegal. I would try to press charges and have the kids expelled. I can't believe his kid would still go to school after something like that.

[lagos]

Find out who did it, get the cops involved and press charges.

We just had a story on the local news here, where two kids started going around and shotting people with a BB gun. One of their victims actually lost his eye.

Teasing and poking fun at your kid is one thing, but getting shot at with anything is assault. Get the School involved and press charges against the kids that did this.

This post has been edited by lagos: Jan 9, 2008 - 4:37 PM

[thespacepanda]

I don't think he should take the law into his own hands... what those kids did has to be illegal. I would try to press charges and have the kids expelled. I can't believe his kid would still go to school after something like that.

Having a child who already has behavioral issues expelled from school will do nothing but make him worse. Yes its a serious issue but fighting fire with nuclear weapons doesn't solve anything, it just means one more kid in juvi.

[Chanh55]

I don't think he should take the law into his own hands... what those kids did has to be illegal. I would try to press charges and have the kids expelled. I can't believe his kid would still go to school after something like that.

Having a child who already has behavioral issues expelled from school will do nothing but make him worse. Yes its a serious issue but fighting fire with nuclear weapons doesn't solve anything, it just means one more kid in juvi.

You're right, the correctional system tends to make people worse... however I doubt you'll be saying that if it was your kid getting shot at.

[xs94st]

i would have gone to the parents and discussed this THOROUGHLY. the kid can't just get a slap on the wrist for this type of thing. if he is willing to point a BB gun at another person and fire it, then he has serious problems. your son is 12, im guessing that the other kids are in within the same age group. 12 is not too young and they should know by that time that it isn't right or safe to point a BB gun at another person. where did he get the gun in the first place? not only should the kid be dealt with, but the parents should as well. i'm not saying that the kid should go to juvie, but should seek some sort of professional help and the parents should be chastized as well.

it starts out with BB guns and impressing friends, what happens when he finds a real gun and is angry at another kid? its these kinds of 'what ifs' that should be taken into consideration because anything is possible when children are young because they don't fully know right from wrong or are just ignorant of what is right and do what is wrong because of peer pressure or other things.

talk to the parents if you haven't already and tell them he should seek some sort of help for their kid or some sort of 'family help' group so that they all get in on it.

jus my .02
jus my .02

[Punisher]

I'd say teach your kid the J-hook and ground & pound technique...

Other than that I'd have to say that this is some real BS... Your kid with the issues he has.. and these other kids feel they have to pick on him and be a jerk to him... I tell ya.. our schools and society as a whole are just going to crap because parents aren't teaching their kids any values... if the parents are even home and taking the time to RAISE their kids.

Oh and I'd have to fully agree with xs94st.

[hongkongnerdboy]

give your child a paintball gun...

jk about that by the way